Sandi, I have read hundreds of your posts and one thing that hit home with me was you saying you couldn't even stand to be in the same room as you H. You so totally resented him. I see that a little bit of FU in affairs, there is anger at the LBS for not doing more. Maybe a bit of "see what you made me do?!" You also mentioned he was a passive nice guy and that may have lengthened your R process. What actually happened that finally allowed you to want to be in the same room as him? If you were totally done and just wanted to get away, what changed? Did it have anything to do with him and his actions, or in your case was it all you and coming to the boards and talking to people here?
The short answer is, "yes" it was me coming to the board. The DBing board was my counselor, friend, teacher, & cheerleader. I learned more about how an A affects the LBH from those who were here at that time, than I learned from my H. When my H refused to go with me to MC, I knew it was going to be left up to me to do the work, b/c he told me he had done nothing wrong! The only action he did that helped was to stop emotionally pressuring me and gave me breathing room.
I learned later that my A had taken much more toll on him than I realized. His health took a hard hit and has not been good ever since.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
