WW is onboard with trying to save the M

[Zues126]

Sounds like you got a month.

What? How does pressuring her into waiting for 3-4 weeks to make any conclusions buy time? You think if she feels she is 100% done before then she won't break this 'agreement'? If she is willing to break a lifelong vow of marriage I don't think this will stop her from taking action. The whole thing is beyond absurd.

I think I may finally be ready to do my own 180 and stop the R talk and pursuing completely.

This is a 911 priority. Starting an R talk that lasts for hours just helps to call her attention to what's missing between you, force her to restate to you and herself all the reasons she wants out, and feel increasingly uncomfortable with the situation and forced to 'make the necessary decision'.

I told her that I had thought about things, and realized that I must be putting too much emotional pressure on her.

Actions, not words. Only communicate through actions. Words defeat the whole purpose. Don't you realize that confessing to putting emotional pressure on her is actually more emotional pressure?



Who is more dangerous? Someone that doesn't know, but knows they don't know? Or someone that doesn't know, but thinks they know?

Right now you seem completely out at sea. You are trying to get your head around something that is larger than you can comprehend. Neither of you know what it would be like to live without each other. Neither of you know what it would be like to start new relationships on the grave of your family. You keep talking like you are "figuring things out", that you have "clarity". You have no idea what you're talking about. Your emotions are going to swing back and forth for months if not years, you'll go from acceptance to denial to anger and back again many, many more times. The 'breakthroughs' and 'conclusions' that you are having now will buy you one night's worth of sleep, but the reality of divorce is so destructive you will not simply achieve any type of lasting enlightened acceptance for YEARS as you seem to think by your statements about "you being more ok with it than her".

Look. There is a reason we have consolidated a list of rules. It is because feelings are not a good compass to steer your ship by right now as they are too inconsistent and will be for too long. Thoughts are just as bad as they are 99% rationalizations that follow the feelings of the week. Instead you must have a playbook that you abide by, and an underlying mission statement that your actions and behavior support. That is why believing in God is helpful, it provides a consistent set of beliefs to strive to follow whether you feel like it or not.

There is nothing wrong with you. Everyone is crazy the first few months after BD. I'm not trying to knock you down to make you feel bad, I'm trying to knock you down because it's dangerous to think you're in control when you're not. The right thing to do is slow down, keep your mouth shut, do what's in front of you, reflect, post, journal, pray, and strive to make small positive changes in your life (180s) and learn to be an independent person so you are not clingy or needy (GAL) and so you can give her the space to do the same (Detach). I hope you can see the truth in what I'm saying so you can take a deep breath, let her go, and start to truly DB. An attitude of "I am a bit lost right now so I'm going to focus on being the best man I can be one day at a time, and trust that God will provide for me in the future, whatever that looks like" is a good start.