Here again after 9 years and struggling

[Flight]

Hi Inpain, the following is some really unhealthy thinking:

I listened to other people who told me they wouldn't stand for it and I should tell him to go if he didn't love me, and look where that got me. He left and never wants to come back. I feel so guilty that I have done this to my children, H gave me a chance to show him we could be different as he was undecided and instead of grabbing that chance and running with it I destroyed any chance we ever had. I will regret it forever.

On every level, this is the kind of thinking that gets you stuck.

1. He did this to you, you did nothing to him. Why in the world are you blaming yourself? What YOU did to your children??? HE is the one who is doing this. What "chance" did he give you? You are turning all this around as if you are the guilty party.

2. He is his own human being capable of making his own decisions. DB techniques aren't supposed to be manipulation. You have expectations of creating a certain outcome by manipuating your behavior and/or his. That doesn't work. No one has a crystal ball that can predict that if you just say or do the "right" thing, they will magically wake up and do what you want.

I know some of this may just be the depression thinking coming out. I hope you don't really believe any of that paragraph. Hand in there.