Flight's Thread #2

[Flight]

Sandi, still hoping for some help with the questions 2 posts up.

Just an update on my situation. I fit somewhere in between her being wayward and just wanting out. She has some legitimate hurts that I believe she may have left anyway. She had been checking out. Her EA at work didn't last long after I found out, thought I think the fantasy still exists that that is a better option as soon as she is "free".

So I am not sure if my DB should be 180, LRT or just drop the rope. I know that some of our interactions have made her feel controlled. For example at the last minute letting her have the child so I could go out. She reckoned I did that so she wouldn't get up to anything.

I felt glimmers at different points during this 11 month ordeal, but she really seems "done". She says we should separate physically as soon as the holidays are over. She only talks to me or relates to me when she has to and has made every effort to have her own life and says we can stay living together if we lead "completely separate lives" and just co-parent.

On the one hand, I think she just feels trapped and wants freedom and if she felt that with me dropping the rope, it might be something that could makea difference. But other times I think I just let her get accustomed to things slowly enough that I could be the next savior and she wouldn't want to come back to the marriage. We can talk on occasion and even laugh, but she does not want to have any interaction if she can help it and acts like if we hug for a holiday, it is the most disgusting thing ever.

Every memory we ever had now has a negative connotation and she talks in the most extreme terms that "it is over", "I gave you time to catch up and you just keep thinking I will change my mind. I will never want to reconcile!". "You have hurt me too much". "I don't love you anymore". "I can't imagine ever wanting you to touch me again". And she lists all the reasons why I am just not the right person for her and finds something negative in every memory we ever had. She says I keep her trapped out of spite and that she is glad I have grown and that I might have a happy relationship with someone else someday.

I started to drop the rope, but with the holidays and some very pleasant family interactions here at home, I softened. I am still going to proceed with separation papers and figure out living arrangements, But I guess I still have that unrealistic? hope.