I was floored by your comment. simple yet direct and well, when something stings there is usually truth in there that makes us feel uncomfortable about ourselves...well that is something worth looking at.
Yes, I do not ask people for help. I have always had to be the strong one. <from what I've been able to gather, that Reads as controlling behaviors BTW> I have tried to be self sufficient my whole life. as a middle child whose brothers ALWAYS demanded attention for one reason or another, schooling - no help, job - do my best or else, my marriage - never asked for help...tried to carry everything.
Looking back I have felt that asking for help was a sign of weakness, something I could not show. I was the skinny, ugly kid in school that people did not want to be around. I could not show weakness, else I end up in the dumpster or shoved in a locker or whatever.
Then I fell in love with a woman, she saw me differently than all the rest. looking back, I know now that I was picked because of that self-reliance and show of strength - to be a better provider of security for my wife. I was the protector that would provide for her, without fail.
anyway, I have been working on being more open with my needs and trying to get help when I can't go it alone. I've even tried IC about a dozen times in the last 2 years. I just can't do it at home too much, my wife is incapable it would seem, of providing that support that I need from time to time. is it that she is just assumes that I can handle things on my own, is it that she is truly incapable...without empathy, is it that she does not want to help, or is it that she thinks she is already doing enough...this is something I can not understand - through all of the years, I just don't know which it is.
So all I need to do: be more self reliant, to meet my own needs for happiness and fulfill my own emotional security BUT I also need to figure a way to seek help with those same needs.
IDK, I am swirling and not making a ton of sense. Maybe I am missing something.
