Maybe letting go has been discussed here and I can't find it, but at this point, this is the hardest thing for me to do. I still love my wife.
Here's my abbreviated backstory. Eight months ago, my wife told me she thought she was done. I was floored. I acknowledge we had some minor, at least to me, issues, but I was floored. I did the wrong begging / pleading routine for a short time and then found this place. I got a life (kind of), did some 180's, reconnected with some old friends (most all of our close friends now are our 'couples' friends who seem to avoid both of us right now), regularly go to church with the kids, etc. I posted here about six months ago after reading these forums daily for a month. I have read DR plus a lot of other books, and followed Sandi's rules to the best of my ability. It didn't work, I think she had already made up her mind and nothing was going to change it. About four months ago, my wife said she wanted to separate, rented an apartment and moved out. We have 3 children (8-12) and co-parenting them, though I spend more time with them than she does. The kids don't like the apartment and hate the situation, but won't tell her because "she'll get mad." We have gone to counseling both as a couple as well as with the kids. The kids also go individually, but hate it.
A month ago, after three months of separation, my wife told me she would like to proceed with a dissolution. She wants out of her apartment (now she hates it) and would like to buy a house, but needs her equity in our house to proceed. One day she doesn't love me anymore. The next, she still does love me, but can't be married to me, though maybe one day we will find each other again. (She told me this within the last week.) That is pretty damn confusing to me and makes it very difficult to let go. I realize there is not much I can do to prevent her present course. She knows I don't want it, that I still love her (I told her that I wouldn't say it anymore, but know I still do). So what else can I do but grant it? I guess I consider it a gift of love to her. Otherwise, I am just invalidating her wishes and desires.
My biggest problem is our interactions with each other. Sometimes they are good, others she is short and distant. I have tried to remain on a relatively even keel with all of them (a couple times she got to me). If our kids weren't involved, it would be a lot easier. Unfortunately , or maybe fortunately, I see her almost every day because of the kids (sporting events, activities, etc.) I don't want to disrupt my kids lives anymore than they already have been. We work pretty good together coordinating their schedules, but when I see her or spend a little bit of time with her, I miss her more. It tears me apart. So I guess the question I have is this. How do you let go when you still love your partner and still have almost daily interactions with them? I am stumped and its killing me.
