Hi Ghost. I see you at least trying to understand the DB way and it's understandable that you look for hope. The thing about the shower could be understood lots of different ways and your having expectations is not good because it could lead to more pain.
I'm going to give some examples of my sitch.
Today W is here. She started convo about our stairs being re carpeted and showed me an advert for a guy that does it
I COULD take this as W is planning to make the house nice to sell
I COULD take this as a positive that W is still interested in house and maybe by extension in coming home
Yesterday W text me to make sure that all was all ok All my kids have phones , why contact me ?
It COULD mean she's too lazy to contact each child
it COULD mean she wants to keep in contact with me
Monday W was bringing up lots of positives about our past together
It COULD mean she wants to share the memories with an EX
it COULD mean she misses those times and wants them back
Ghost , do you get what I'm saying ? It's possible to put a spin on anything the WAS says.
You can let go of hope and live your life for you and your kids accepting that FOR NOW the M is over OR you can grasp at every small scrap that W gives you
The choice is always yours , the people on here are showing you a path.
Accept what is because the reality is you have too
I've been with W for 25 years , 4 kids and W APPEARS to regret her choices BUT she is not prepared to work on her W has no money and cannot survive long term on her income BUT it's her choice. I have accepted that and live my life
Of course I wonder at some of the things she says but I don't linger on them because I have no way of knowing what they mean
Try and let go Ghost , even a small bit and try to make a new life for you
