Thanks Newlywed for the idea. Makes sense to me. Esp. since I have a PalmPilot that I keep in my purse and H doesn't use. I can keep track there...it will also be useful to go along with Laura Corn's book 101 nights of great sex which I bought for us last year as a Valentine's Day present and never used. Like usual, a good idea but the follow through needed some help.
Anyhow, started reading chapter 4 of the book and sat down at lunch and started to write some goals. Here they are:
1. What do I want to change about my life? I want to be more sexual.
2. What will I be doing that I am not doing now? I will be initiating sex with H. I will be more open to H's sexual advances. I will be more open to experimentation.
3. How will H know that I am more sexual? I will initiate sex with him. I will stop turning him down for sex unless it is for a REALLY good reason. I will stop rejecting his attempts at experimentation without at least giving it "the college try".
4. What will be the first sign that I am moving in the right direction? I will go the next two weeks without rejecting ANY offers of sex from DH. Once that goes well, I will use Newlywed's suggestion of starting to schedule sex in my PalmPilot.
Now for the question...from reading the posts from the HD spouses (esp. the men), it appears that there is some sort of expectation of a dramatic change in the LD spouses and that if the LD spouses don't "measure up", the HD spouses are giving up. I am worried that if I start to make subtle changes (that I am comfortable with but still changes), H will see it as no change at all. I think that basically what I am trying to ask is that what steps are good steps? Is there only one path to take and one speed on that path to making the situation better? Or is it a matter of how long the SSM situation has been going on or...?
I also just wanted to thank everyone again for their insightful posts not just to me but to everyone. It is really and truly an eye opener to get a male point of view...I grew up with just a sister and I can't quite ask my co-workers about this stuff, ya know?
