After BD, I found that there was nothing I could do to make W happy. And believe me, I tried everything. By doing that it actually led her to lose respect.
Anyway, the thought that occurred to me this morning is: The reason I couldn't do anything to make her happy, is that I was not the problem. Yes, I screwed things up during our M like everyone else on Earth. But, I was not the one who quit trying. She needs to find happiness in herself, before she will ever be happy with anyone, me or not.
Random thought 2. For the last 2 years at least, I was, at best, the 5th most important person in W life. Often times farther down the line than that. 3 young boys require a lot of attention. So I fell behind them, and at least one would be in our bed so I wouldn't have any time alone with W. Not referring to sex there. Then she would put any friends ahead of us too. So, really we didn't stand a chance once that was put into play. She will never have a good R, unless that changes.
Just more reflecting. Trying to process, and work through this junk.
Back to life now...
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
