Mel, now you're talking. It's good to see you say some strong words. You are strong. Remember that. You may want him but you don't need him. Think about that. It gives you some power over your life at this point. It's fine to want him but you must realize you don't need him. If he wants to make a joke of his life then so be it. We all have our life story. Make yourself the hero of yours. Let him make himself the villain of his life story if that is what he wants. He can still be on your team but your team has a set of standards to live by and you don't want to let just anybody in.
Seriously though, do some GAL. Even if you're scared or feel like you're not ready. Do it anyway. Go through the motions if you have to but do something. Try to find something to do on New Years eve. Do something fun with family. Maybe something you've never done before. I started Google searching for events in my area. Fortunately I live by a huge city so there are a lot of events. I planned events with my kids and we went. She was like WTF? You don't let me know what you're doing? I said I used to when you were on my team but you've said you're not sure if you want to be part of that so I no longer plan my comings and goings with you. Did I mean it deep down? Heck no. It was killing me. I was faking it but I faked it long enough to start believing it. It was when she saw that I could move on just fine without her that made her realize she didn't want to lose me.
I'm not saying this always works. Sometimes the marriage is truly over. You have to accept that as a possible outcome. I did and you know what that did? It gave me the power over this situation. The power over my life. It made me feel great. She'd say things to hurt me that used to always work. Things like "I'm going out this weekend, don't know when I'll be back." I would just say "Ok, have fun. We have plans so don't worry about us if you try to call and we don't answer." That ate her up. She stopped saying those hurtful things. Today she thanks me all the time for sticking by her and making her snap out of it.
You're a good person. Take control of your life back. No pursuing walk away or cheating spouses. Do GAL! Go out for New Years. Live. You can do it. We can all do it.
