Updated/still thinking about next steps

[kyrie]

I guess I can't let go of wanting to be married...wanting the right thing for my family. Is that what you mean?
It's so hard when I know there are little tiny glimmers of hope here & there.
Tonight I saw that he was looking at passive-agressive books on Amazon. At first I thought he'd "recommend" them to me - he accuses me of that but it fits him more! But then I realized maybe he was considering them for himself. Dunno.
Save myself - I seriously have examined and repented of my many mistakes. I keep making many of them - usually when he assails me (emotionally).
And thank you. I don't want to do the wrong thing.