Hey there Jelly - I've always loved chasing cars - used to be a you and me against the world song in my opinion - at least that's what I think of. I liked it now too when it's me and me against the world - and I don't mean that to sound like poor me, just a different way of looking at things. Thanks - great selection.
Manic Street Preachers motorcycle emptiness - I have never heard of them before, I need a couple listens to this though. Isn't it cool that there is way more that we don't know than what we are actually familiar with? Kind of a good way to look at life right now.
by the way - I must be either easy to figure out or you have woman's intuition is your super power.
I actually do have a fear of asking for things from STBX or stating my wants. I still think that it will seem like weakness or she is doing me a favor if she gives into something that I want. I do not want her to do me any favors. I do feel that she takes advantage of the and did so last week.
Though I am going to ask to keep the kids on part of Thursday instead of switching on Wednesday. I would like to make a great new year's eve dinner before they go (even if it is earlier in the day). I think that I will be satisfied by this - the kids said that they would like that too.
and
Yes - not asking for help and actually discouraging those that try to help me has been a pattern in most parts of life. business - yes. I have tried to become the expert at everything - but sometimes I have found that not getting other viewpoints or solutions has left me stagnant.
maybe that's true in my friendships too. I think that friends found me helpful - I am always the first to help others and give all of myself for them, but a bit too removed and solitary to allow others into my life and my troubles.
I don't think I was that way with my wife - I think we leaned on each other and helped each other (we would ask each other for help), but maybe I am just not seeing it. Some of her complaints about me after BD was about our life being all about me and my career. I don't completely agree with that as I made some MAJOR sacrifices in my life and career for our family and the quality time that I could provide.
though - come to think of it,
it was another complaint that I was giving too much to everyone and not enough to her. She felt that she was the only person in the world that I could say no to. Maybe that was true.
But that's beyond the question that you asked - but it made me think.
new song that I really like - Bahamas-all the time - maybe this is what I need to play in my head all the time.
Thanks for being here Jelly u-turn
Lovely U,
Yes Chasing Cars, well if you put great lyrics and melody like that and partner it up with Greys Anatomy and a tragic love storyline, it was bound to leave a romantic girl like me swooning and using it as the soundtrack to her own tragic lovestory meltdown. Lol Anyway it is a fav and love the angsty melody.
I have to thank you lovely U. A few weeks ago while reading your post I realised that you and I have this terrible habit of never asking for help and putting ourselves last. I realised I am just absolutely terrible at looking after and caring and loving myself. It was there in your words and my sad attempt at supporting to you, I found myself looking directly into the mirror.
The exchange has been life changing (if that can happen in a few weeks). I decided that my self-torture and self imposed exile from the human race was a choice and not a universal determination. That my feelings of separateness from other's was a construct I have been using for various reasons, fear mostly - fear of being seen, fear of being hurt, fear of being rejected for who I really am.
I have posted more on these boards in the last three weeks, than I have done since I joined the site in March 2015. I have experienced more shift these last few weeks than I have done in this whole year.
I have you to thank. We are very similar you and I U. I say this hestiantly, but I am going to say it, it's a brash statement to say that you know someone who you have never met. But I do know the places you hide so love won't find you. I know the places you hide so you affirm that you are not entitled to ask for what you want.
I dont have any super-powers I just know what you deny yourself thinking that you are not worthy.
You are worthy of asking your STBXW to have your children and to ask her to be open to compromise while you co-parent together. That is not a favour U, that is a reasonable and rightful expectation and request to have of the mother of your children.
If for now your cannot advocate for yourself in this area, then advocate on behalf of your children, until to feel comfortable to ask for yourself.
I have so much to say to you lovely U, but this is not the place and indeed my desire to both hug you (because I feel your hurt) and slap you (because you are denying yourself so much happiness), are entirely inappropriate. (note I am not an advocate for violence or slapping - well slapping is entirely appropriate in some contexts wink, wink)
What I am about to say is indeed - my stuff projecting on to you, but also I think I desire to see some shift for you too. Let us support you U, take a leap of faith on an anonymous group of people, sane and insane, kind, hurting, generous people. Share some of U with us. Show up just for the support and love, so you can feel it. You are worthy U. I know it feels scary, but it could be well worth it.
The other thing I have been thinking, you have a group of people who joined the boards at the same time you did, who are in Surviving the Big D, who understand more than anyone the trials and tribulations of dealing with this next bit. Seek their advice and support. The comradrie in that board is strong and the people are kind and generous. The board feels positive and alive, but real and human.
V has asked you for your new chapter. Maybe it is time to start it there.
I am sorry if I have been harsh and too bold. But I really do care for you, and I want my friend to have joy and peace in abundance.
If I have over-stepped my mark, feel free to ignore. I would never be a offended.
