onward - 13

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Hey there Jelly - I've always loved chasing cars - used to be a you and me against the world song in my opinion - at least that's what I think of. I liked it now too when it's me and me against the world - and I don't mean that to sound like poor me, just a different way of looking at things. Thanks - great selection.

Manic Street Preachers motorcycle emptiness - I have never heard of them before, I need a couple listens to this though. Isn't it cool that there is way more that we don't know than what we are actually familiar with? Kind of a good way to look at life right now.

by the way - I must be either easy to figure out or you have woman's intuition is your super power.

I actually do have a fear of asking for things from STBX or stating my wants. I still think that it will seem like weakness or she is doing me a favor if she gives into something that I want. I do not want her to do me any favors. I do feel that she takes advantage of the and did so last week.

Though I am going to ask to keep the kids on part of Thursday instead of switching on Wednesday. I would like to make a great new year's eve dinner before they go (even if it is earlier in the day). I think that I will be satisfied by this - the kids said that they would like that too.

and

Yes - not asking for help and actually discouraging those that try to help me has been a pattern in most parts of life. business - yes. I have tried to become the expert at everything - but sometimes I have found that not getting other viewpoints or solutions has left me stagnant.

maybe that's true in my friendships too. I think that friends found me helpful - I am always the first to help others and give all of myself for them, but a bit too removed and solitary to allow others into my life and my troubles.

I don't think I was that way with my wife - I think we leaned on each other and helped each other (we would ask each other for help), but maybe I am just not seeing it. Some of her complaints about me after BD was about our life being all about me and my career. I don't completely agree with that as I made some MAJOR sacrifices in my life and career for our family and the quality time that I could provide.

though - come to think of it,

it was another complaint that I was giving too much to everyone and not enough to her. She felt that she was the only person in the world that I could say no to. Maybe that was true.

But that's beyond the question that you asked - but it made me think.

new song that I really like - Bahamas-all the time - maybe this is what I need to play in my head all the time.

Thanks for being here Jelly
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