Back on these forums again 5

[Mona52]

Mona,
Leave the man alone! You are separated! Keep the focus on you and your children. The only reason you need to contact him is if it is an emergency or something wrong w/the kids. You need to start thinking about a back up plan when you need to have someone help you out.

Keep the focus on YOU and leave him alone!

OK, Not fair.... Just so you know, what I did today I did before your last 2 posts, so it does not mean I am not listening to you. I hardly ever contact him, I focus on me and my fun.

But today I contacted the heck out of him.

I did something so cruel, and it was cruel because I did it completely out of spite. He texted me again saying we could be friends. What a fairyland he lives in to think that. But okay, if the jerk thinks he can be my friend, fine, he can prove it.

I asked him his advice on a few of my men issues.

I really hit him below the belt. And I dont feel the tiniest bit bad. But I asked him question after question on what Chris might be thinking, and if I have become the OW.

The funny part is his answers. I simply started our friendship conversation off with, "I think I might be the other woman and I dont know what to do?"

OMG, he had answers instantly ready. "Is there certain times when you are not allowed to text?" " Are you allowed to drop by whenever you want?" "Are their pictures in his house with him and anyone else?"

Before I had a chance to tell him any details at all, he had these questions ready. Yes, he is the master at what being the OW means.

But I pushed his friendship to the limit with my questions. Each one designed to hurt him a tiny bit.

But none of that matters. How he feels about me, or what he says to me doesn't matter to me right now. When he speaks to me, I no longer replay his words in my head over and over and over again wondering what he meant. I dont care if his phone gets shut off. I dont care if he has dinner tonight. I couldnt care less if he is online with OW all night.

His actions do not control me or affect me. MOST of the time. I am more worried about which heels I will wear on new years than how my words today affected him.

I feel kinda like a 2 year old. Ya know how a mom takes a two year old out to the park and he is shy. He hides behind his mother's legs and peeks at the other kids playing. That was me at the beginning. I firmly wanted only H back. I peeked at life without him and was so freaking scared. So I hid behind DBing.

Then the noise of the kids playing lured me out a tiny bit, that was when I went out for the first time. But I ran right back to contacting H after that, scared to let go and hide more behind DBing.

Now I can leave the security of hiding behind mom's legs (DBing) and really go and play with the other kids. But every once in a while I still run back to see if that safety is still there. I dont want to hide behind it anymore, but I dont want the option gone from me.

Everyday I get bolder about life without mom. I am confident soon I can drop the rope. I think I have already come a long way in focusing on myself. I know I have so much further to go, and I am okay with that.