Yes Mu, you're allowed to be you. It seems like your W may be looking for reasons to be upset. That's an impossible road to walk for you then without her finding something.
What an awful and impossible situation to be in. Until you release yourself from feeling like you are responsible for her. She's on her own train my friend. She's making decisions based upon things that you have no idea of. Heck she may have no idea of them.
How are things with Mutatio outside of your M? What is making you come alive these days? What are you slowly becoming more and more passionate about?
Sending you strength my friend.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I am so sorry she is hanging on to all of this resentment and anger. I am so embarrassed to say that I was your wife less than 6 months ago. I was so full of resentment and anger at my lovely jerkface that everything he did annoyed me.If he did something good I would get mad (too little too late) if he did something bad I think I was less mad because it is what I had come to expect.
If he would have changed his ways i am very sure I would not have seen it. My anger was a shield and the only thing that would crack the shield would have been a long, very long time of seeing consistent change in behavior. Seeing, as in his actions. There would have been no words he could have said to break the shield.
You were sarcastic, well welcome to the human being club I am of the opinion they need sarcasm every once in a while so I applaud you.
It sounds like you are showing consistent changes in behavior. That means you are doing every possible thing you can do. Now relax. FORGET HER MOODS. Do something to get your mind off how she feels! Her feelings dont matter yet. Maybe they will in the future, but not now.
You are a rock. You can do this.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Thank you for supporting me PP. I will stop walking on eggshells. It is behavior doomed to fail. I will be authentic and if she does not like what I am, so be it. Fearful and weak is not the same as loving and kind. As long as I am afraid of her choice and my behavior, I cannot be truly authentic. Time to dig deep and show some courage.
I am registered for an advanced welding class next semester. We will be doing a lot of TIG work in many metals. I love kinetic metal sculpture. Wind sculpture is also something I'm drawn to. Next fall I may take a class in sculpture in NYC, it depends what's offered. I'm a Tech Ed teacher who loves design and problem solving. I can design and build anything out of anything using any process. What I want to do at this point in my life is make art, living art. I want create pieces that evokes feeling and thought, even if it's only for a moment. A moment is you need to to give birth to an idea or change a life.
This is where I am. This is what I want to do. This is my passion.
Thank you Mona, your words mean a lot to me. Your perspective as a woman who felt that way and your suggestion on how to manage myself truly help. I am glad your in my life, be well
Thank you for supporting me PP. I will stop walking on eggshells. It is behavior doomed to fail. I will be authentic and if she does not like what I am, so be it. Fearful and weak is not the same as loving and kind. As long as I am afraid of her choice and my behavior, I cannot be truly authentic. Time to dig deep and show some courage.
I am registered for an advanced welding class next semester. We will be doing a lot of TIG work in many metals. I love kinetic metal sculpture. Wind sculpture is also something I'm drawn to. Next fall I may take a class in sculpture in NYC, it depends what's offered. I'm a Tech Ed teacher who loves design and problem solving. I can design and build anything out of anything using any process. What I want to do at this point in my life is make art, living art. I want create pieces that evokes feeling and thought, even if it's only for a moment. A moment is you need to to give birth to an idea or change a life.
This is where I am. This is what I want to do. This is my passion.
This is so awesome! I can feel the passion coming out of you Mu! An artist's soul NEEDS expression, it's like air and water, you need that expression more than the love of your W or the love of any human being other than your D's.
Please make art, especially now.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
A teacher. That makes sense. Although I probably would have guessed philosophy or literature, with the way you always have a quote or parable for us.
I wish our school would have had more tech ed. I took the only welding class offered, pissed mom off as she wanted me to be a dr, but I did it as it interests me. I think it's awesome that you have found some classes that interest you. That will help you in so many ways.
Mona, your post is inspiring to me. You said that you held resentment 6 months ago, yet you are here trying to better yourself and your r. That brings hope to us all, I'm sure.
Sorry for the hijack mu, we're all human, we all screw up. I bet you do less than you think.
Hope you're having a great day!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
My wife came upstairs dressed with her coat on. As she walked into the kitchen I said Good Morning. She walks right by me and does not say a word and she will not look at me. She gives the dog his medicine and speaks to the dog and cat. She then grabs a snack. She goes to the front door and does not even say bye.
It took all my strength not to run out and ask her what I ever did to deserve to treated like this. The smart move seems to just continue as I been doing. Is there any point to talking to her about this. If I pressure her how does that help my situation.I am just feeling despondent about the state of my marriage.
Sorry Mu, I don't have a lot of advice. I'm just curious as to why your W is so angry? I know it's just speculation on our parts to try to figure out, but that was my first impression. It seems almost adolescent or childlike to ignore you like that, not the actions of a full grown woman.
I don't think running after her and asking would do anything but let her know her actions are upsetting to you, although she must know that on some rational level.
It feels like you're in the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" place.
Sending you strength my friend, sounds like you're going to be the whipping boy for a bit.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
M, I wish I knew what was bothering your W, but I would be mind reading if I guessed. The welding class sounds great. I hope this comes across as supportive, but I really am starting to think that your "backup" plan sounds better than your plan A. Move to Colorado, be an artist, be free to be yourself.
I am of the opinion they need sarcasm every once in a while so I applaud you.