WW, My Addiction, Patience is HARD

[trumpet]

Well,

I figured something was up when my wife posts on FB about getting stuck getting out of the carriage lane this morning - she came back and got me, and with the help of neighbors, got her on the way.. her thank you was not to me, so I asked her if that was to slight me... which she said no, she unfriended me on FB.

In a nutshell - the Sunday talk, which I got things out of, and I thought made progress, to her was just a re-hash of old emotions, and put us back, WAY, WAY back.

She's calling the lawyer today. She's ready to file, and is looking for apartments. She told me to 'back the hell off' and the time she needs now is the time to get her head around that we won't be together next year.

One thing that might have helped to make that Sunday talk turn bad for her is that she started talking to OM again. The crazy train had slowed down, and made it back to the station, but it looks like it left again. She has absolutely no desire to remove OM from her life. He gives her safety and friendship, something she says I can't give her. He truly is a scumbag, as I think he made the contact, as his divorce is coming to a close, and probably needs the companionship. He was freeloading on his STBXW, and now had to find a new place to live.

She doesn't feel safe around me - physically, emotionally, or mentally. She cringes when I come home, and had a panic attack after our talk on Sunday. She's sick of it, sick of the 15 years that I 'mis-treated' her, and is done.

I told her I understand her viewpoint, but that the divorce might seem like the light at the end of the tunnel, but will lead to more heartbreak and disaster. She completely disagrees, and thinks that is the only light worth going for.

I told her I would 'back the hell' away, and for her to just give thoughts to how a divorce might not be the way to solve this.

For those who think they can fix the marriage by yourself - you can't. My repeated attempts to accelerate the relationship, once I got a morsel of hope and movement from the W side, has met with disaster. Instead of celebrating the little victory, I tried to win the war.

Such a sad day. A wake-up call for me. I'm truly hurting inside every day, and instead of dealing with the hurt, I try to hurt the wife, as a way to show her how much pain I'm in. All it does is push her away, and now it might be for good. Think about EVERY. WORD. YOU. SAY. She's just like a lawyer, since she works with them every day, and has uncanny recall. I've slipped up, and the more talking I do, the more chance I'm going to stick the foot in my mouth.

Ugh. Since WI is a no-fault state, should I just let her file?