Back on these forums again 5

[Mona52]

((Fogg)) ((mut)) ((Gmum))

I hope you all had a great christmas!

I opened gifts with the kids early in the morn and they all went to my sis's house. Unfortunately, Chris was sick on Christmas. So when my H came to drop the kids off, i did what any self respecting, adult woman would do. I had my D17 text me when they were on the way and I drove a few blocks away and sat and waited in my car so he come come in, open his presents and leave and I would not have to see him.

I got one very special gift from each of the kids to give to him. Things only I know he loves and things he cant possibly get right now. and I feel so stupid for getting them. In hind sight I wish I would have gotten him nothing.

I did not hear from him at all on Christmas. So I just sat alone in my room with my puppy and allowed myself to wallow. It was a much needed wallow so it is all good.

Then yesterday was my birthday. My mother's birthday was on Christmas, so yesterday we went to this huge (I mean HUGE) buffet. It is run by the Amish and the food is insanely delicious. We ate until one more bite would send us into a coma. (Sorry PP, I know that sounds horrible, lol).

Then, there is a casino about an hour away and last night was the grand opening of their remodeled lounge and they had a great band. So we pick up her boyfriend and the three of us went there.

While I was there, Chris texted me that he was feeling much better. So after we dropped my mother's boyfriend off, I drove up to Chris's house and spent the night there. I know it is a big no-no on this board but I dont feel bad. I have zero regrets.

I am no longer the one sticking to an agreement alone. He can do anything he wants and he always could. But I had this agreement that even Brad Pitt could not have waivered me from last time. But there is no reason why I should just sit and be lonely. He may never come back, he may, who knows. So I spent the night at Chris's house. mostly because I wanted to, it made me feel better, partly for a little revenge, and partly to try and relearn some self confidence skills I think I lost along the way.

On a side note, out of the blue, my H was the first one to wish me a happy birthday in the wee early hours yesterday morn:

H: Happy birthday Mona!!!! I hope you have a great day!!!!!

Me: Thx H

Then I spend the next 3 hours crying. It was still dark out so no one knew I was crying on my bday. They all slept right through it. At least my BDay ended on a better note

I have a dance to go to tonight and a group of my Friday night friends will be there. Chris said he cant make it but he hopes I have fun. He is not becoming attached at all, and I am not becoming attached to him. I cant wait until tonight, I really miss my Friday night friends. Christmas fell on a bad day this year. New years is on Friday too, so that is another Friday I wont see them.

I have become very very attached to them. They are my lifeline actually. Not really, this board is my lifeline. They are just an extra buoy.

[Gmum]

Mona, you trollop. Man I am jealous. I would kill for a little innocent male attention. And some not so innocent too.
Sounds like the perfect birthday present for yourself, haha. (Just throwing it out there that my bday is coming up in a few days, in case the universe is listening)

I don't see why you wouldn't help the kids get presents for H. Well, besides the fact that he got them nothing. I had something from D to H as well, he was obviously embarrassed, as he/they nothing for me. Not that I care about presents at the moment.

Crying is cathartic. So is red wine.

[Mona52]

OMG, I just had the most amazing time at a dance ever.I wish you could all come with me because it is so much fun! I am so sad this night is over, but I will see them all again on Thursday

[Mona52]

I cant stop thinking about the fun I am having lately. But it is bittersweet. I cant help thinking how perfect it would be if... I have the strongest urges to call H.

I will be fine without him. I dont feel hopelessness about my future. I feel fear. I am meeting new people, doing crazy new things. No less than 6 guys told me last night how beautiful my smile is because I cant stop smiling and laughing the entire night. A new chapter is bound to start soon. I dont mean with Chris. But I am perfectly positioned to meet the next ex-husband...

I cant make my H hurry, and I think it is too late for me to wait. Every day I feel further away from him, but my urges are also getting stronger. This is a first for me. Last time I firmly stood and I only went out on a few dates after years of standing, even then I still only wanted H, and I had no fun dating. This time, I am both giving up and not giving up.

Because my days are so lonely. I spend hours wishing I could send a stupid text to someone. I spend daydreams wishing for a hug. You guys are great, but let's face it,this site is a sad place to hang out and I need fun and belly laughs.

[ARose]

Mona, that is one way to help with detachment! You do what you need to do, no judgment here! What kind of dances are you going to? I want to go but all I know of around here is ballroom dancing and college bars.

[Gmum]

Don't call him, Mona. You already know that.

It sounds like you're doing so great. You're laughing, dancing, meeting new people. Why can't you allow yourself to enjoy life and move on?

Can Chris be the guy you text for some innocent flirting? Sounds like you guys are on the same page as far as expectations goes.

[PigPen]

Oh my good gracious. Did I just read that you had a sleepover Mona?

Atta girl!

Also, I'm with Gmum, don't call him. You're on a roll, why mess with it?

Glad to hear the tone of your posts is so positive, you bring a ton of laughs to all of us around here and it sounds like you're enjoying yourself again. What a twit your H is for not scooping you back up.

PP

[Mona52]

Life forced the call, and I am not making up an emergency to call him. I was at the doctor with my S12 (he is fine) yesterday, and my D15 was completely stuck and needed a ride and my mother ordered a washer and dryer to be delivered and they were 4 hours early and my D17 needed help with them at home.

I cant be in three places at once! (oh wait, yes I can)

I called H. No answer. I left S at his appointment, and ran to the washer guys (yummy), then grabbed D15 and back to S to pick him up and then dropped D15 off where she needed to go.

H never called back all day...

Then S pulled up his father's email account on his PC. I do not know how S got in, but he needed help with a password so I went to help him and saw what he was looking at. All I saw in my jerkface's email account was "your order has been processed" over and over again. OMG you should see how much money he is spending on OW. A couple of orders a day for almost the entire month of December. I dont see how when he is broke. Anyway, now I know her name and address.

I am no saint, of COURSE i texted my H after I saw that! BUT I did not say any angry words.

Me: Good news love. I will sign any waiver you want. I dont want to drag it, I was using it for my protection. But I no longer need it. Then you can go with (OW) and I can do what I need to do.

(I liked staying married because no one else can ask me to marry them if I am married, so that was what I meant by protection)

H: Ty I appreciate that. Did you have a great birthday?

Me: Amazing

I said a few more mundane things to him, Entourage is funny, do you have plans for New Yeats and things like that, but he never answered so I just went to bed.

During the night he texted that he was sorry for not talking but 3rd shift kills him. But he never answered one of my mundane questions. So this morning I asked him if he was not talking to me because I said her name. I said he does not have to pretend she does not exists anymore.

I am perfectly fine. I was angry because he got the kids nothing and her a $500 ring. But that is not in my control. I only sent those text messages so that he cant hide. I just wanted him to know that I know. Yes, that is the OPPOSITE of a good DBer. But I would like to get him out of the habit of lying to me.

Let's see if I can force him to be honest if he can just relax. Maybe that was a bad choice of words. I cant force him to do a thing. What I mean is I believe he feels guilt and shame when he lies. If I KNOW the truth he does not have to lie. He feels less guilt and shame and he can safely speak to me.

Or not. That whole mess was such a tiny part of my night last night. I have suspicions that Chris might have a girlfriend. In my defense, I met him at a singles dance. Everyone there was supposed to be single. But one of my other friends told me that he put his GF in the car before he said good bye to me last week so she would not see. And then he left with her.

A few other things he said and did were suspicious. But then again, he was speaking to this girl at the dance, but he spent hours dancing with me, and he also sat with me for a while.

Anyway, it does not matter one bit. I will not play the part of homewrecker in even the smallest way. He called me last night and told me there was some truth to it, but not all true. Him and her had broken up 3 times so he is single. I told him I cant get mixed up in it, sorry. I told him we started out with no strings attached and we should end everything now. He said he understood and he will not contact me again.

The only part that sucked was I just purchased 2 outfits with his tastes in mind... grrrr. I was trying to forget my inhibitions about my body shape and see what my partner wanted and try to lose my embarrassment and give them what they wanted. So I bought these 2 outfits based on the um... body part he found most appealing.

I actually had a list of things I wanted to learn or relearn, now I have no willing teacher. Be the woman only a fool would leave...

Back to square one I guess I am starting to like square one though, it is full of the most possibilities.

[job]

Mona,
So, now you know that the ow is in the picture...don't tip your hand on what you know. See, he was crying poor me about not getting the children gifts and yet...he was purchasing them for the ow. You've been given a view into what he's doing, so stop feeling sorry for him. He's a chump and chumps lie like sin. I wouldn't believe a thing he says and you need to realize that if his lips are moving, he's lying. You can "make/force" him to tell you the truth nor what he's doing w/his life. You can't control him, but you can control what you say and do. From this day forward, do not tell him anything that you know as to what he's doing, etc.

As for your male friend having a girl friend, well, it's his loss. Now about learning or re-learning things, get some books or do some research on line to know what's going happening in today's society that might fit the bill of what you need to know.

As for contacting him...DON'T. If you get angry, come here. If you are having a pity pot party, come here...but do not text or call him just to let off steam.

Everything will fall into place for you if you don't rush the process. Take each day as it comes and enjoy it. Tomorrow is another day and it will come soon enough...

[Zephyr]

hey mona, keep those outfits and wear them like you mean it.
I can tell you something that you may not believe...when a woman wears something that accentuates a given body part, it is SEXY.

Men don't have to be an a$$ man to like an out fit that shows off her butt, or legs, shoulders, neck...boobs, whatever.

Sexy is about your attitude, the way you carry yourself, not showing inhibition or insecurity. The dress / outfit is merely a tool.

hell, wear one of those outfits at your next singles outing where butt-head shows up to give him a glance at what he is missing