Weeding and watering

[mustardseed]

H contacted me this morning about wanting to discuss a concern about the kids. I feel I have finally gotten to an appropriate Gray Rock place with him and I think he is trying to find a way back in.

I thing D has opened up to him about the things we talked about this week, which I am glad for. H wants to discuss it. I don't trust H. Everytime I try to discuss things he shuts me down, pushes my buttons, accuses me of being inappropriate. He has is L tell mine that I am not to approach him in public or even stand outside of my home when he picks up the kids. But now he wants to have a discussion with me on his terms.

I told him I would like to do that with the kids' therapist present. At first he was on board, then minutes later he changed his tune and started attacking me. Saying how he does not feel comfortable meeting with me at all, even with a third party present. So he went from wanting to have a discussion one on one to expressing discomfort with involving a third party? It makes no sense. I am seeing this now as his reaction to not having complete control over the situation. This is the first time his scathing words did not penetrate. I responded in an unemotional consistent, and even slightly flattering to him way--holding my ground that the therapist is the best vessel for us to discuss coparenting issues. He stopped responding. I am amazed at how unscathed I feel. A few weeks ago this conversation would have had me reeling and reacting in a way I would be regretting. But I know I cannot trust him when he tries to reach out. How can he one day play the frightened H who is intimidated by my presence and threatening police action when I try to talk to him, and the next day insist we discuss things one on one and accuse me of sabotaging our co-parenting relationship by suggesting we include the therapist in our discussion?

I feel like the veil is lifted, because I see what he is doing now, rather than wondering if he has a point and doubting myself like I used to do. One thing I feel confident about is how I discuss things with the kids. I haven't always been perfect, and I have apologized to them when I realize I was wrong, but my relationship with them is strong and it is up to me to keep it that way. His relationship with them is his responsibility. And our co-parenting relationship needs to established with professional guidance to avoid the pitfalls and game playing that has occurred thus far.