WW is onboard with trying to save the M

[JGuy]

We are talking to explore the truth, find out what each other really wants, increasing our understanding of where things went wrong with the M to get better clarity and make better decisions about how to move forward, what to work on individually, etc.

I understand that this may make you feel better.

But does it get you closer to your goals?

I think so, but I'm unsure about whether I'm doing things in the best order. Maybe I'm jumping the gun? Getting clarity on what went wrong with the M through conversations with my W gives me clues about my own contributions to what went wrong, and helps me to see what I can do (or stop doing) that might help to increase my attractiveness (or decrease my unattractiveness).

Honestly though, I'm still not 100% sure that I want to save the M myself. I definitely have a hard time bearing the thought of splitting up my family and not having my W in my life anymore, but through these honest conversations with her and reflecting myself, I'm coming to see more clearly how unfulfilled I have been... she has been totally absent from the M, behaving like a single person in terms of her priorities and time commitments. I was tolerating this for a long time and I accepted and tried my best to love her as she is, assuming it had something to do with her childhood etc. Nobody is perfect, neither am I, and love must provide the bridge. However, now that I know she was busy engaging in affairs all that time and being dishonest with me, it changes the game and I'm no longer comfortable tolerating the overall behavior anymore. I'm getting stronger as I slowly detach and this is making me feel strongly that I need someone who actually values me.

So, these conversations also serve my goal of gaining certainty about whether or not I really want to continue. I feel like I am finally waking up from a long denial where I have been too scared to admit the reality of the kind of person she is and just how badly unfulfilled I am. I am having frequent moments recently where i feel like the writing on the wall is clearly saying that she isn't right for me and I should have seen it all along. I understand that it takes a ton of patience, however, and I don't want to give up prematurely or make decisions when these feelings seem to flip back and forth inconsistently. I want to know that I am giving it the best possible chance. It's all very confusing and uncertain!