Ghost taking baby steps

[ATPeace]

Hi sandi and RD

I do try to read the replies to my posts I do need to read divorce remedy again I just find it so difficult taking in the information my head is spinning as we all know.

Half the problem is I read information in saving the marriage even when only one person wants to save it and they talk about making a new marriage

I read information on different things I can do or try to make her want to change her mind

I think of my wife as different to everyone else (I realise she is not different0 perhaps it is the love that she has give me over the years perhaps it is me not wanting to and she may find happiness with accept that if we go not separate houses that she may never come back to me

Perhaps it is the though of her going off and being arround other men if this,is what she wants to do and knowing she has never had sonone else love her like I do / should have what if she wants to try a few other men

Perhaps it is me feeling desperately sad for not listening to her when she tried to tell me how lonley she was and knowing that if I had done this then we might stil be together now

Perhaps it is just the thought of not seeing her again and having to live my life on my own

Perhaps it is the fact that our children will not have the same life that thy did have and only having one parent at a time to bring them up is going to make things so much harder.

Perhaps it is the fact that even tho she told me she wants to sell the house ..she is still here co parenting together in the house even tho this is not what whe wants she is prepared to do this .

You ask me if I accept our marriage is over and I want to write and ask is there more of a chance of us working things out if we keep living together 6 more months or 1 year can one turn this around with loving actions.

rD I have not accepted that it is over I wonder how she can give up on 17 years I of marriage I not have any idea how,I will get over her then read that people give up on 25 years together and realise that so many people are in the same situation.

If we go into different houses I really do not know how I will cope with not seeing my W ...even if we divorce

Just the thought of her making friends and Posable becoming lovers with another man I feel so unhappy. I do not know if I could then go back to her if she changed her feelings.

How she feels now is different to how she felt six months ago and is very different to how she felt the day we got married and the day she asked to s so I want to believe in hope that things can change

I am going to have to do child drop off for the next 15 years with my two years old and will be in the kids life till the day I die I wonder how I am going to cope with seeing her potentially moving on with another man.

I sence that she is starting to do and say things that is out of character in the hope that I will find the things she says offensive or upsetting and move my feelings further away from her ...and this is somethg I am fighting.

Is she trying to become the person she wants to be or is she becoming a person that she knows I would not want to be arround so much ?

RD please do not think I am saying it is any less painful if someone has had many partners .....what I am trying to say is I have never been through somone finishing things with me ...where as if I had had several partners then by virtue of having other partners I would have experienced loosing something and then finding out that there are other fish in the so called sea.

In 25 years together with my W I have never had other women come on to me or wanted to build a new relationship with another women I ihave no idea how to date

I am crapping myself over trying to start again with a new partner not being with my wife the mother of our four children building a new relationship with someone else only to then feel how can I spend time with a new partner when I should be spending time with my children.

Here is an example my W is taking about me having the kids 50/50 access with her when we divorce...now two things first I was away for just two days and missed my two year old like crazy more so than my W

Dropping the boys off back at home after just two days of being,alone with them i was.away away from my daughter I am not sure how I would cope if I lived in a different use and would not be,seeing them now for four days ....