Time to Let Go.....How? (6)

[otw]

OK, here we go

Xmas eve I took the kids to her house in the morning so they could go to visit some of her family a few hours away. She got them back in the late evening and me and the kids did our thing until bed time. Got the kids in bed and then played santa until around midnight.
Got a message from W at 6am saying she was heading over. I went down and unlocked the door and told her so, and that the kids are still asleep and to nap on the couch for now. As soon as she got there the kids started waking up! The kids were done opening gifts before the sun came up! We gave W the gift the kids picked out for her, a necklace, she immediately put it on.

I made breakfast while W helped kids with some gifts. She cleaned things up from the presents etc..We all ate together and did a little more cleaning up. She wanted to head home to get the gifts ready for there and get a few minutes head start. I showered and then headed over with the kids. Watched them open the gifts, and man did she spoil them this year! I know they had been complaining that there is nothing to do there but I don't think she realizes buying them all of this is going to change them not wanting to be there.
All presents were done and I started helping kids open toys and playing with a few things. I went upstairs with them and just sat and played and opened about 1000 boxes! At one point she informed me one of her friends was going to stop by in about an hour. I didn't respond but wasn't sure if it was a hint to leave or not. I wasn't done with the kids so I just stayed and focused on them. W sat with us and was putting together a photo album for the friend coming over. One of the friends that has told me she was on my side, and the same one I have given a job.

So friend got there early and and wife wasn't some putting the album together. She ran back upstairs to finish so me and kids went down and sat with her and her boyfriend. The friend gave me a hug and a big smile, I started mind reading into the smile but couldn't figure it out.

Anyway they got done and headed out and I went back to helping the kids. W came up and said she was going to put on some make up then put out some food. I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or the kids. I started feeling awkward after I finished doing stuff with the kids and maybe felt like I should leave.

So she put out the food and I took the kids down to make sure they ate and then started saying I need to get going. I was making dinner and they all were coming over along with my mother. S4 through a fit about me leaving and wanted to go with me, eventually she looked up and said it is fine if he goes unless you cant take him. Not sure what she thought I was going to do, but I answered saying it is fine. Before leaving she was joking around with D7 saying maybe they should call an Uber to come to dinner so mommy should start drinking. We both laughed and joked about it for a few minutes. I then offered up that my mom could pick them up on her way and I am sure she would enjoy the company. ( Moms first xmas since stepfather passed away).

So they all get there for dinner and we have a great time mom and W exchanged gifts. Everyone seemed relaxed and having a few drinks. Eventually it came time to go, S4 started flipping out. This was my moms first time witnessing this. She couldn't take it and had to go sit in the car. I eventually asked W if she minded if I drove S over and bathed him and put him to bed. She was fine with that. Went over there and bathed them both and layed in bed with S4 to get him to sleep. I fell asleep too! W woke me up and I headed home.
Spoke to mom on the way home and she had some thoughts about W and how she thinks she is battling a lot of things and not dealing with them well. Meaning other family member relationships and what not. She said she just held her hand on the way back after son flipped out.

So next day my father was coming into town and I needed a few hours extra with the kids. I waited until dad got in town with stepmother to call wife and tell her I was coming. I wanted to see if they would feel uncomfortable seeing W or even wanted to. They both know what happened but I really never gave them all the details. So I gave the them the long story. They said they bought her gifts.
So I had to call wife and tell her this and asked if she wanted to watch the kids open or meet us for dinner. I also told her they do not know I am asking and there is no pressure to come. She needed to think about it for a while.

She called me an hour later and said she was heading to the gym and asked if she could drop the kids off. I said yes and brought nothing else up. A few hours later she called and asked what we were doing. I told her just playing around. She asked where we were going for dinner. I said we had not decided yet, and asked if she was coming. She said she was going to come meet us. I told her I would sort out and let her know. We all met up and ate. We sat across from each other and we all had a good time. We spoke about a bunch of stuff and everyone seemed happy and enjoyed ourselves.
We got done and left

So in those 2 days we spent more time together than prob even when we were under the same roof since the summer. I had a great time. there was no pressure. A few awkward moments but overall ok.
It definitely made me want to be together again. I am trying to focus on being grateful for the time and not focus on wanting more.

I did notice that my picture was up in the house. Not just ones of me and kids or the family that would be for the kids sake, but on her desk is a picture of her and I from our honeymoon, then in another place she has an album from our wedding and some other stuff. I was shocked by this.

I am lost at what to do from here. I want more, but I cant pressure so I am thinking the best thing is to just back off again. It is just so hard after almost 2 month s of this then getting so much time together as a family to go back to so much distance.

Anyway that was pretty long. I think I will stop now!