Peace, Happiness and a New Year

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I'm sorry you are having some really down times, but I'm not surprised. The holiday went well and you, your h and your son celebrated the holiday as a family unit, but it was a brief togetherness because it you can crashing back to reality when he packed up and went home w/no indication that he was feeling a bit let down about doing so.

I think we all look for something, i.e., expectation, when we are together w/them especially during the season that brings so many together as families. People come together and enjoy the day w/the family and it looks like things are going well and then the MLCer goes home and back into his little world and here we sit...our world of fantasy for the moment begins to crash back down to earth.

No, you wouldn't have done anything different, but now you need to think about setting some boundaries. The more he comes to visit and plays the "Disney" dad at your home and is there for holidays and special events, the more it opens up the wounds that are trying to heal. Yes, you've paved the way for his return, but in the process, I think it sets you up for a bit of emotional hurt each and every time he's there for special events, etc. I know you want to do the right thing for all of you, but you need to start thinking about you and what you are comfortable w/before, during and after such encounters.

The new year is around the corner, it's time to start thinking about boundaries and what you need to do in order to move forward and heal. It's time to think about YOU for a change. You've got your son covered and your adult son...well, I say leave him twirling in the wind. After all, he went home after having a great time w/his family...he's not going to feel the way you do...why should he? He's got the best of both worlds right now. It's time to rock that world of his just a wee bit. Limit the time he spends in your home. Limit the "all in the family" events that include him. He'll never miss what he had if it's being served on a silver platter to him all of the time.

Your h got his fill of kibbles for being a great and attentive father to his son on Christmas. When he tells people about Christmas, it makes him look like a great dad and people will pat him on the back, etc. His empathy chip is broken and right now, he really doesn't care how you felt about the visit or how you would feel later once he left. It's all about him and what he needs to fill up that empty hole in his soul.

Mleigh, it's time to think about what YOU want and can achieve to make your life a more peaceful one in 2016. If it means limiting the amount of time you are around you h, then do it. If it means less texting or conversations, then do it...but you need to heal and your wounds are being scraped each and every time you have "all in the family" time w/him. It's time for him to learn what it means to be separated and living in his little "dump" of a house.

Again, I'm so sorry you are having a tough time right now. Now, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and shake those sad and frustrated feelings off your back because tomorrow is another day.