Peace, Happiness and a New Year

[mleigh4]

Thanks Lou and Sotto. I agree, take the deal!

So once again I find myself in this icky place of anger, resentment, confusion and pain. Every time I spend time with H, I end up here! It's even brought on a crying spell, which I have not had for a very long time.

I am feeling like I can not do another year of this. Something has to change this year or I need to make some kind of decision. I am able to enjoy life, have fun and move along....but I can't truly and fully heal and move on from this until I have some kind of closure.

Spending time with H reopens all the wounds. I have to accept, all over again, that our marriage is dead. That he would rather be in a dump than anywhere near me. All the lies and deceit all flood back and I feel it all over again.

I guess right now I should shut down a little. Work through my feelings, let them wash through me, and work myself back to my happy place. I have been able to keep my smile and upbeat mood while dealing with H the last couple of days. I know I would be a fool to blow up where we are at right now. Christmas left us all in a glow.....I am left to deal with the fallout emotions alone.

FIL just texted hoping I had a nice Christmas. I told him I did, but continue to be baffled with H wanting to be where he is instead of home. I added a lol to make it light. Silence. Runs in the family.

Best thing for me to do right now is lay low, keep my mouth shut and vent here until I work my way through my current low. I do know deep down that this too shall pass!