My W has said that she is maintaining NC. I have been more on edge and have continued to tell her that I can't really trust her as long as she isn't comfortable with the idea of letting me access her communications. We have had a series of very honest and raw conversations about where we are really at and the decisions that lie ahead. I have repeatedly made it clear that I will accept her choice between me and the OM, but that I won't be with her if she continues contacting the OM. She continues to feel like her heart is with him, and she really doesn't feel anything romantic or sexual for me. However, she is very scared to lose me and the M, our home, our family, etc. She feels pretty certain that she just can't give me what I need in a W, and doubts that she would ever be able to. Our counselor has pointed out to her (as have I) that affairs, dishonesty, and childhood issues could all be reasons why she feels no attraction to me right now. If she is willing to work at it, it is possible that the attraction could come back. Although she doesn't say it, I can tell she is really doubtful about this.
JGuy - I'm at the EXACT same spot as you. Just posted on my thread very much the same things. Can't give up her passwords, does not want to be transparent, but has been good with NC except OM sent pictures to her. She says she didn't tell me to protect me, and instead it has the opposite effect. She has her own checking, and bought most of the kids gifts through her own checking, and she thought I'd be elated that she did that - instead, I was pissed, as I've kept a family budget for the last 2 years, and have no clue how much she spent or on what until the kids opened the gifts Christmas morning - she shipped and wrapped the gifts at her office.
I keep coming back, like you, to GAL, doing 180's, and focusing on myself. She keeps dropping little breadcrumbs that she wants to do things with me, go out to eat as a family, but when I want to explore the family dynamic, it's a no-go... she's just too uncomfortable, doesn't want to talk, isn't attracted to me at all, is still in love with OM, and realizes the fantasy she's producing in her mind can't ever come true, but continues to hold completely unrealistic hope.
Like Sandi says, a wayward wife is just NUTS, and she has to burn through the crazy before any traction can happen in the relationship.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
