WW is onboard with trying to save the M

[JGuy]

It sounds like the two of you are doing a TON of talking.

How does continually discussing her lack of attraction towards you increase her attraction to you?

Good question Azzork. It probably doesn't, but I think it may be good for other reasons. We are talking to explore the truth, find out what each other really wants, increasing our understanding of where things went wrong with the M to get better clarity and make better decisions about how to move forward, what to work on individually, etc. We want to make decisions based on reason and wisdom instead of emotion and fears. We are aligned on these goals and our talking is from this intention. I have been careful not to come across as needy while talking, by often saying that I will honor whatever truth is revealed during this process and I'm ready to let her go if it becomes clear that this is the best choice for one or both of us. The unfortunate fact that she isn't currently attracted to me does come up now and again, since it's one of the things we want to understand, but I wouldn't say we are continually talking about only that. Do you think this kind of talking is good for us at this stage, as long as I'm also focusing on my goals?

What are you doing that would be considered attractive?

Right. Well, here's what I'm trying to do so far:
- Getting more in touch with myself emotionally, and with my ability to empathize with myself and others. The IC helped me see that this is one of my main issues that I need to heal which gets in the way of emotional intimacy between me and everyone, including my W.
- Dealing with my inner child needs myself instead of hoping for these needs to be met by my W. This is mostly taking the form of meditation, self-nurturing activities, etc.
- Stopping my codependent behaviors. The main one I'm aware of is that I don't trust my W will see things clearly and make wise decisions herself, so I get drawn into trying to explain, teach, point out important observations etc. I'm still having a hard time with this, but I am definitely getting better.
- Getting in touch with my anger (alone), stopping the habit of abandoning myself by suppressing anger in order to keep the peace in the M. Behaving more like a strong and self-respecting man who can kindly state my needs to her and respectfully refuse to be a doormat. (This one is tricky because initially it seems to push away my W)
- Dressing and grooming well always, even at home.
- Continuing to be a good father, putting our son first, making sure he has a great Christmas, etc.
- Getting out with other friends, improving my other sources for emotional support and happiness, etc.