Time to make changes

[joss]

Are you sure he is in MLC

I think so. He's been wanting to escape for years now, and became so distant over the past year, saying we'd grown apart (news to me), not wanting to spend any time with me, being angry often (very unusual for him), losing all connection with his friends, and his emotional affair with co-worker for 5 years (not usre if it's gone to PA now???)

maybe he would consider counseling..

have tried that but it failed as he thought the councelor and I were ganging up on him (his guilt, i presume?)

I think it may be a good idea to practice some active listening and see where his head is at

This is my next plan. It seems quite difficult, but I'm sure with practise it can be achieved.

but if he is not in MLC and he never wanted the Divorce

I don't know, but I don't think he ever wanted a divorce because being without the kids is the worst possible scenario for him. As a child, his dad worked abroad most of the year, only coming back at christmas and in the summer for a couple of weeks (from when he was 5)so he feels that he doesnt' want the kids to be without their father figure. It is my guess, but I know how big a place in his heart and mind 'family' plays.

I do not know your full situation but it sounds like he had an affair and you asked him to leave

Yes. It started 5 years ago with a work colleague. I have seen lots of messages from each of them over the years, and when I was another note written by him to send to her in the summer (after he'd told me it had been over for 8 months) I aksed him to eave. I had had enough of the bullsh1t. I have no idea if it is over now. I rarely see him. He recently got an apartment near the family home so the kids can go and see him whenever they like.

and he is online dating

Yes, i believe so, although he hasn't told me but he accidentally put the names of 2 girls (and meeting times) in our shared computer calendar instead of his own private calendar

the emails are confusing,,sounds like he has regret

I;m afraid I'm not in the least interested in regret. I;m sure he regrets, but he know what he was doing, after being 'caught' MANY times over the past 5 years. I don't care that he has regret.

he knows you are serious to throw him out

Yes. It is easier living alone than with a person who lies and deceives me every day.

He may have an issue with being Faithful and an addiction

this has never been an issue in the preceding 20 years of our relationship.

He was made redundant from a job he LOVED 5 years ago (where he worked with OW) and so he feels he's a failure. This is the rood of his MLC, i think.

Thanks for your insight peacetoday. Much appreciated. Joss