Repeat away!!!!! We are here to listen. Hell, i feel like a crazy person some days repeating myself but it always amazes me how much better i feel when it gets off my chest.
Depression is a real bitch. She still may have a ways still to get herself out of that rutt. Standing has never been easy and you have been standing strong for a LONG time.
Take a few days and just be and do what you want. What would your life look like if you qere not married, would you wait atound or would you be out there interacting with the world. Just go and do it. See where it leads.
I will tell you, the single BIGGEST tool i am picking up from this is patience, the second is learning how to meet my own needs. Part of that is interacting with others outside of the house.
One thing that may come across as snarky, not sure: is sexual fulfilment issues. How can i be happy if i am not fulfilled, right? If your marriage ends today, you wont be ready to date for some time, so this is something you are going to have to learn how to deal with married or single.
The emotional struggle certainly is not easy when we are not loved /or at least shown that love. I realized some time ago, that my feeling of being unloved...it is all me, i didnt love myself, plain and simple. I blamed the situation for my feelings of being unwanted. I went through life where my wife showed me for the first time in my life, that i was special, that i was worthy of love, that i was someone who could be wanted and desired and fantasized about and she showed me that for two decades.
Then she stopped. All of those feelings i had as a kid, getting picked on, nobody liked me, or picked last, few friends, no one had a crush on me...all that $hit, she cut through all of it. She was the one who rescued me from that all, she showed me that I was not ugly after all, that i was worth living for...untill she didnt, THAT threw me into the downward spiral. Think about how much pressure it is for someone to carry all these years, to be responsible for propping me up, and it would never be enough for me.
She has her own issues, that is for sure. Will she ever come through it, idk. We will both have battle scars from this ordeal.
But i had a point, learning first off that i needed to be able to love myself, to take that responsibility away from my wife and hold it for myself. We control our happiness right? something i preach daily . It starts here. This is something that needs to happen before there is any resolution to your marriage on way or another.
Believe me i am not trying to talk you into or out of anything, i just want you to make sure that you are truly Mr. Roiste 2.0 before you are really done, and i think there is still some work to do we ALL do.
If, scratch that, WHEN i come to europe, i will be looking you up as i owe you more than just a few beers.
we ALL do. 