New guy

[mbebos]

Haven't been online in a few days, but just a quick update. The rest of Christmas eve was nice. I spent it with friends of mine that are like family, and then I went to midnight mass by myself. I love the music, the lights, decorations, the prayers of hope, and the late somewhat tired mood that ends in such amazing energy of the midnight mass on Christmas eve. I sat in the pew and cried many times, but I felt alive. When the mass was over, I zoned out and came out of it a half hour later and the church was empty except for just a couple people in the corners.

On Christmas day around noon, I stopped by my mother and father in law's house to wish them a Merry Christmas very briefly. The W was not supposed to be there and she was. After Christmas eve being so nice with her, she was shocked I was there, and acted very cold, after acting so wonderful the day before. I kept my attitude up, waited for the mother in law to come out, said my Merry Christmases and left smiling, and the wife did give me a hug. Christmas day I spent with 3 of 4 siblings I haven't seen in 20 years until one time last year when our father passed away. They were all wonderful, it was a nice time, but I reached a point in the afternoon where I was struggling to keep my composure, and I exited, and after a long emotional ride to my cousin's house, my cousin and I had a nice long talk. Feeling better I went to another friend's house with her family and truly felt better.

So Christmas eve was great with the W, Christmas day was terrible, but brief. Fast forward to Sunday. I left early to go visit friends I havent seen in a long time. The wife has not been back to our apartment in a month. She hasn't come for clothes, for possessions, for a visit, to see our cats who she has said she had missed terribly to someone else, nothing. Sunday morning, she calls me for the first time in awhile to tell me she was there and got some clothes, jewelery, shoes, a few personal items and to see the cats. She had no reason to call me, but there was no reason I wouldn't have been home. She was shocked on the phone I wasn't home, and was curious as to what I was up to. She sounded warm, and was really nice, and really curious. She said the apartment looked really nice (which was always a point of contention in our early days of marriage). Rather than say, " I told you I wasnt a slob" I said, "thank you." She offered one criticism, and I said thank you again, asked how she was doing, and we ended the conversation on a positive note.

This Christmas weekend was really difficult. It had some ups, had a lot of downs, but I am just glad the holidays are almost over. One more short week and 4 day weekend, then I can try and have some normalcy in my life.