Ciluzen - my H has a friend like that. I was offended last year when she called him on a family trip to wish him a happy holiday (the one we were celebrating on the family trip.) I wanted to know why she felt comfortable calling my H. He insisted it was no big deal - they are just friends.
Since BD, he's taken her to, and picked her up from, the hospital for surgery. He takes her son to school. He is regularly involved in her family celebrations. The thing is, I know they are friends. She is currently living with his best friend, and there's no way he would want to mess that up.
My point then and now, is that a married man has no business being so involved in another woman's life, especially one he's not married to. He did far more for her than he ever did for me. She also had a lot to say in support of him ending our M. She's only heard his side of the tale, which makes me look like an evil witch, but she has way too much influence in his decisions, and it's inappropriate.
She made up a fake Facebook page about a fake girlfriend of H's just to torment me. H knew all about it. She had an entire circle of people involved in the deception. What on earth is that about? She's 28 to my H's 50. I think he's really enjoying living like a teenager. He really envies his best friend his young, lively girlfriend.
There is not one single thing I did that improved the situation. I just made him cling to her more to protect her from me and what I had to say about their friendship.
Whether your H is physically involved with her or not is really beside the point. The point is, it is an inappropriate relationship. She is taking what should be your place in major life events and decisions.
I would be (and am, in my case) upset about it, too. But getting H to see his wrong is nearly impossible. Unless he wants to see it - but that is the problem. He's in love with some fantasy of what he thinks his life is going to be like.
I really feel your pain and confusion here. You can only work on yourself with this one. You have to make yourself shine. Bringing her up in any way will only make him want to shield her. It sux, but that has been my reality.
I hope that helps a little - knowing you're not alone in this. In my case, the female friend really liked his OW, too. She made my H "happy", so why would he want to go back to me? This friend is the number one reason (her opinion) why H is unwilling to work on the M. He doesn't want to disappoint her by choosing me.
