do nothing or what

[roist]

I got through Christmas. Yahoo. I wasn't in the best of form but I made the most of it. The boys enjoyed it and I enjoyed them.

Like last year I went into Christmas thinking it may be the last one as a family. Last year I thought W would not be there much longer. This year I see no sign of W leaving physically but I guess I am the one that needs change.

W is usually well organised and proactive about stuff like Christmas.ThThis year she wasn't herself.I usually let her organise where we do what as it is with her family.EEach time I asked about plans she didn't know.. even days beforehand.I hadsaid early on that I prefer to do Christmas day at our house.Last week I texted MIL to find out what the plan was and to reiterate my preference. Long story short, everyone came to our place. This suited me as I could phone/Skype my family during the day, plus if it is our last Christmas as a family I wanted the boys and I to remember it at our home.

I'm losing interest in making an effort with interactions with W. That seems to make two of us. I have a plan of action and work on me which is what I will try to concentrate on. I have work that is for sure. And it will be done.Roiste 2.0 will be here in 2016.

I am dropping the rope in terms of trying to please W, about expectations,aabout not trying to solve her issues and more or less about the outcome.. I am detached from the outcome in as far as I am sure I will be happy whichever way this ends. I still honestly believe we can be happy together as a couple and as a family. Staying together as a family is no longer enough for me.

It pains me to see that everyone sees us as normal, with no idea of the rift that exists and how near explosion we are. And at times I hate pretending and want to shout about our real situation.

I am pulling away from W. I just don't like spending low quality time together and I hate not being free to interact like I feel/want to. I have not said or done anything blatant but it is sure W cannot but notice a difference. On one side I don't care what she thinks, but on a deeper level, I don't want my actions/behavior cause the final downfall of our M.

It doesn't feel right to just check out...... even if that is what she did. My inclination is towards either a chat or letter and then really backing off . Opinions?

Unlike most here I never got the ILYBNILWY or the I want out speech, so I wonder is my behavior saying I accept to stay in an unloving, unaffectiobate and unfulfiling M.

Over the last year I have learned so much about being a better husband and building a better R/M I wish I could implement it. But W is not receptive and at this stage could be counter productive. But some day I look forward to that.

After 14 months of this ( not counting beforehand when I was depressed), I don't see any signs of W actually trying to leave. She is great with kids and around house. I appreciate this and don't take it for granted,but it is not enough. She did get me a Christmas pressie and not just a last minute thing. She has kept all my letters and cards though they are fewer and far between now. Small stuff that helps me keep hope, but......

I probably am repeating myself again and sound like a broken record. But whereas the situation and the pain are the same I am not.I have not given up on hope or love, but I feel I am at a turning point. Help me chose the best path.