WW is onboard with trying to save the M

[JGuy]

Has it been explained to your WW how the affair is like an addictive drug and she will be very tempted to contact the OM?

Has it been explained to her that transparency is not just to earn your trust but it also helps her stick to her resolve not to contact OM.

Yes, Sandi, I told her about this. I read it in DR as well as other books. Multiple experts all say that it is normal for there to be withdrawal. I told her that it may be in her best interest to increase transparency (for example, by sharing her passwords with me) so as to give away the keys to her own escape route if she is serious about sticking to her resolve. She is still very uncomfortable with this and just can't bring herself to do it. She has a very deep habit of hiding maintaining a secret life, and it seems like it's just too much for her to give it all away at once. She is warmer to the idea of taking smaller, gradual steps toward eventual full transparency.

Without this, I am not very comfortable at all with trusting her right now, so unfortunately we are stuck on this. It doesn't feel right to me to ask for a separation solely on the basis of her unwillingness to give full transparency right now, but I'm not sure what other options I have, other than just reminding her again and again that I can't trust her and that is a problem if she wants to work on recovering the M. I can continue to snoop, but it just feels wrong. Unfortunately it's the only power I have in the situation and it's very tempting at times.