These two words been on a continuous loop playing in my head for 3 days lol.
First of all, thanks you all for the job congrats -
So to Christmas: Christmas was lovely, spent 3 days with h, s21, s18 and their g/friends, oh and not forgetting our 2 dogs!
Everyone played nice, we had a lot of fun, it felt normal. H and I got along fine ....lots of duct tape from me ... not much affection for the first couple of days, but I understand that, especially after our first meet and the issues it bought up for him . We managed to get a few alone times and they were nice, sometimes felt like a date (which is kinda fun) and sometimes I forgot we are not together. H bought us all tickets to see Star Wars, we sat next to each other and when the lights went down he held my hand for the entire movie, something he used to do. The sleeping arrangements ended up with me asking h outright if he was ok with me sleeping au natural or would he be happier with me wearing p'js, he replied naked is fine with him, he also slept naked. Nothing happened, stayed on our own sides ....until this morning ...ended up cuddling, which led to kissing, which led to s3x, I won't say ML as it really was a morning quickie, it just happened, I have not read anything into it, but at least the first time is out of the way. Until he talks to me about it I won't know if it has caused any more issues to rise (excuse the pun ha ha) ...more duct tape. I was not sure how I would react when we first had s3x, I wondered if I would be able to get past the image of h with another w, but she didn't come into it, it was just us. Perhaps because it was from an emotionally charged place, there was no time to think, so if this happens again on a more sedate pace, then I may feel differently -
We wont have much contact over the next couple of weeks while he is away, so that should give him time to process everything that has happened over the past couple of days.
In another story, I bought s18's car, its a 1980's classic, I asked h if he wants to do it as a joint project, he was keen (I think he would more like to have bought the car from me but I won't release ownership, long story but I have ended up buying this car twice now, so it feels right for me to own it) S21 is driving it (fingers crossed it makes it) to h's today, so it will give h a project, I am not car enthusiast at all so this is a new area for me, I am trying hard to be interested in what h is interested in (something I have not been before), he seems happy with the arrangement and has talked about what he feels what needs doing and why ....might as well be telling me how to build a spaceship, but I nod and look engaged, my input will be on the cosmetic side to it.
As for how I am feeling. I feel ok, calm. I know we have a long way to go, it is very easy to get caught up in trying to move this forwards before the right time. I did really well over the break and did not mention r at all, rolls and rolls of duct tape. It came up fleetingly in general conversation, but it was not heavy, it was more once sentence comments more than questions. As for the s3x, I feel ok, I hope it wasn't purely a detached physical act for him, he knows it could trigger off mass guilt so I am sure it would have needed to feel right - I am over thinking, stop it. It was nice, we were close and I didn't feel used, so does it matter?
