Hi Gmum, A wise friend shared this with me last night. She has been through some very rough times, too. It's simple. Forget about tomorrow; it's gone. Don't worry about tomorrow, it's not here yet. And today? Today I'm OK. Today we ARE OK. I hope you can remember that. I'm not one for simplistic sayings, but I think this one helps.
I also want you to know that sometimes things turn around. Read this post:http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=58607&Number=2634807#Post2634807 It's called New Here and Desperate to Save My Marriage The woman posting went to see her husband after a long time of no contact, and he was happy to see her. Most of the things she thought he was doing and thinking turned out to be not true. And he (says he) called the OW and told her not to come for Christmas. I don't know what's happening for them now, but my point is, that DBer is maybe getting another chance. Hopefully we can too. I'm NYGal (not to be confused with NYCGal!) I'm over on a post called Rollercoaster ride and I could sure use some words of wisdom, too. All the best to you, Gmum. They say it gets better.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Well, technically he's not really cheating. I mean, we aren't together anymore. She dumped her husband as well, so they are free to do whatever. But I don't see much of a future unless he moves to her state. She has two school aged kids and I'm sure her ex wouldn't let her take them out of the state. He'll probably end up moving to her state, my therapist said about my H.
Him and I had a codependent relationship. He is aware of that now, says when he reads about it he can check all the boxes for us. So now he'll know what NOT to do in his new relationship.
I know I should get her/them outta of my mind, but I can't. I'm so down in the dumps. He's so relieved. He wants to see the mediator first thing next year.
I try to remind myself often that right now in this moment I am ok. I have a roof over my head, food, clean clothes etc.
Thanks for the link. I get ambivalent about reading some of these happy ending posts. They give me hope, but I also find that the situation never seems quite as hopeless as my own to begin with. With my H there is no doubt. Just moving on. He's head over heels for the OW and only has eyes for her.
Hi Gmum. I understand about the happy ending post, and how what might be working for someone else might not work for us. I just try to believe all this DBing stuff. That if we can be the person anyone would be a fool to leave, they might come back when the shine wears off that bright new penny in their lives and they realize what they've lost. Whatever brought us together with our partners was real and can't be denied. Even though now they are denying it all. It's still there. Yes, it may fade and be gone forever. But not yet.
I don't know, maybe hope is like a drug and we should let it go. But maybe it helps us through to the next baby step in our lives, and then the next one, until eventually we're running on our own and it's truly for us, not because of hope.
The man you fell in love with might be there still, but I know it's hard to see that. I feel like my partner is a completely different person and I don't know where she's gone. I'm crying as I write this, and I try not to remember the good times and the wonderful person she used to be. Where is the woman I fell in love with?
Very sad day. I'm thinking of you. Hugs.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I'll still read it. I just start comparing and get sad when I realize I have none of the positive aspects happening with my H. Then it just makes me feel more hopeless.
I get it. I don't have much positive happening with my partner right now, either. I still have hope, and sometimes I just think it's a sick trap and I'd be better off without hope.
I'm so thankful for these posts. After our discussion coming up Tuesday evening(ugghhh) I'll be on here nonstop looking for support, if I'm not melting in a puddle of tears. Sorry for the self-pity. I've just never in my life felt so bad.
There are a lot of good people on here. It's so sad that so many of us are so alone, but it's good we have each other.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
We all have been there reading one of the success stories and feel that sitch isn't as hopeless as our own. It's just the perspective of it being our own pain, our own suffering that makes it feel that way. Any sitch could be a success story and theres hope for all. There are no guarantees of R even if you follow DB so we do need to accept things may be over for good, but don't let that discourage you. With or without them if you follow the DB principles you will be a success story one way or another.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hi Gmum, I just read this thread. Seems like your husband and you are on different paths. I struggle finding words to describe what you are feeling. I am sorry you have to experience this pain. I found that posting often helped with my pain.If your feeling down maybe it will help. Be well
