Read the 'Rules' and start following them. You're making mistake after mistake right now with her interacting.
You wont like this but you will survive being without your W. You can be a successful single person who learns from their mistakes and grows in ways you cant imagine right now. You might even have a change to get your W back, but only if you get your sh!t together and stop acting from your emotions.
I've been where you are and likely in a much worse state. Crying myself into the couch at 3AM wanting the pain to stop, wanting my W back, hating myself for pushing her away. I was a completely broken man but here I am now in a much better place. I understand and I feel for you, this can be the most difficult thing a person experiences in life. First things first is start doing what works, and what your doing is not that.
Go back and read the beginner threads, follow the rules(guidelines) and start moving in a positive direction.
Last edited by Fogg; 12/27/1506:54 PM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I got mad at you the other day for posting that my wife was having an affair. I didn't want to believe it then, and I still don't want to believe it now. But, I recognize now that, I'm probably wrong. That hurts.
I know you probably did, brother, but I've been there. For those of us who have lived it we can spot it a mile away. You just needed to accept it and figure it out for yourself. I was following the same path as you. You're actually a little better off at this point than I was. I was a blubbering mess and I'm a former Marine. For me I woke up one day and just had had enough of feeling bad. I was tired of playing "pick me" with her. I removed myself from the competition. I started doing things that I wanted to do and we usually didn't because she didn't like them. Going to rock concerts. She always hated the crowds and loudness of the music. I love it. I started meeting new people and going to hang out. I realized that I was only 46, made a great living, was in decent shape, and was a loyal and loving man. I didn't need to beg a wayward spouse. I had plenty to offer the world. It was too early to start anything new but I even signed up on OK Cupid and had really nice, attractive women interested in me right away. I told them I was totally not interested in meaningless sex or a new relationship, I just enjoyed friendly female ears to talk to. Friends only. I've made some nice new friends.
Well, my WW freaked out. Once she realized I no longer needed her sh!t in my life that snapped her right out of this MLC of hers. A lot of talks and MC later and we're stronger than ever. Today, however, the HUGE difference in the relationship is that she knows that I want her but I don't need her. Any signs of her previous bullsh!t and I'm gone for good.
Dude, you're younger than I am when I found out. Either way you're going to be fine. Either your wife will snap out of her stupid and self-destructive behavior and you two will be great or you'll re-invent yourself, be the person you always dreamed of being and move on. You want her my friend, really bad, and I get that. BUT....you don't NEED her. You need to realize that. Let her see it. Every exchange between you can be friendly and cordial but she needs to see it, smell, and feel it that you don't need her. You're not her whipping boy that'll be there regardless of how sh!tty she treats you.
Glad you're not mad at me anymore but I understood why you were. If someone had told me my wife was cheating before I knew I might have punched them in the mouth.
Damn dude. What a post! You just made me feel good. Are we bff's now?
Haha.
You're totally right, and so is Fogg, and everyone else I've spoken with since this whole ordeal started 2 1/2 months ago. I've got to move on with my life.
My sponsor told me to write down at least 100 things that I am grateful for today. I need to do that.
And yes Fogg...I keep breaking the damn rules. I know. I've been screwing up. I'm not going to make any promises, but I'm going to try to forgive myself and carry myself forward appropriately. Wayward Wife or not.
Thanks guys.
Me:41 - LBH in apt W:39 - WW in home Kids:D(15), D(11), S(9) - custody % 58/42 M: 15 yrs - DoS: 10-11-15 (PA confirmed 2-12-16; WW dumped by AP 11-6-15; WW dated 7-8 men in Jan '16 via Match.com)
