Back on these forums again 5

[Mona52]

((Fogg)) ((mut)) ((Gmum))

I hope you all had a great christmas!

I opened gifts with the kids early in the morn and they all went to my sis's house. Unfortunately, Chris was sick on Christmas. So when my H came to drop the kids off, i did what any self respecting, adult woman would do. I had my D17 text me when they were on the way and I drove a few blocks away and sat and waited in my car so he come come in, open his presents and leave and I would not have to see him.

I got one very special gift from each of the kids to give to him. Things only I know he loves and things he cant possibly get right now. and I feel so stupid for getting them. In hind sight I wish I would have gotten him nothing.

I did not hear from him at all on Christmas. So I just sat alone in my room with my puppy and allowed myself to wallow. It was a much needed wallow so it is all good.

Then yesterday was my birthday. My mother's birthday was on Christmas, so yesterday we went to this huge (I mean HUGE) buffet. It is run by the Amish and the food is insanely delicious. We ate until one more bite would send us into a coma. (Sorry PP, I know that sounds horrible, lol).

Then, there is a casino about an hour away and last night was the grand opening of their remodeled lounge and they had a great band. So we pick up her boyfriend and the three of us went there.

While I was there, Chris texted me that he was feeling much better. So after we dropped my mother's boyfriend off, I drove up to Chris's house and spent the night there. I know it is a big no-no on this board but I dont feel bad. I have zero regrets.

I am no longer the one sticking to an agreement alone. He can do anything he wants and he always could. But I had this agreement that even Brad Pitt could not have waivered me from last time. But there is no reason why I should just sit and be lonely. He may never come back, he may, who knows. So I spent the night at Chris's house. mostly because I wanted to, it made me feel better, partly for a little revenge, and partly to try and relearn some self confidence skills I think I lost along the way.

On a side note, out of the blue, my H was the first one to wish me a happy birthday in the wee early hours yesterday morn:

H: Happy birthday Mona!!!! I hope you have a great day!!!!!

Me: Thx H

Then I spend the next 3 hours crying. It was still dark out so no one knew I was crying on my bday. They all slept right through it. At least my BDay ended on a better note

I have a dance to go to tonight and a group of my Friday night friends will be there. Chris said he cant make it but he hopes I have fun. He is not becoming attached at all, and I am not becoming attached to him. I cant wait until tonight, I really miss my Friday night friends. Christmas fell on a bad day this year. New years is on Friday too, so that is another Friday I wont see them.

I have become very very attached to them. They are my lifeline actually. Not really, this board is my lifeline. They are just an extra buoy.