October 11

[Bfice3]

Should I offer to pay for the re-keying of the locks on the house?

[Azzork]

It really doesn't matter if your motives are honest at the start.

Just start walking.

[Azzork]

Should I offer to pay for the re-keying of the locks on the house?

For what purpose?

[sandi2]

I get it now, my wife is Wayward. And, actually she's pretty far wayward. I was reading the 2nd thread of Sandi's wayward wife for newcomers. And I never realized the whole notion of leaving the MBR. I was gone from ours for years. Now I'm gone from our house.

I mean, there's really just no coming back, right?

How do you mean the above question?

Are you asking if your WW can come back? She is wayward now, and probably has been for a while, and now it is peaking and becoming more overtly rebellious. A WW can always get her heart/attitude right again. She can always make the decision to do what is right. It usually takes much longer than a newly LBH ever dreams it would. However, time varies per couples.

But, so for a technical clarification. If she says she wants to date openly to me. I mean, is that different than being wayward? In other words, should I just interpret that as being completely done?

The only way I would not see it being waywardly motivated would be if the couple were already divorced (for other reasons) and moving on with their individual lives....long before any hints of being interested in dating, partying, etc.

If a couple is physically separated, the WW will use that status for her pass to date openly. However, if her waywardness prompted the S/D, then dating is merely an extension of overt waywardness...IMO.

If the couple is separated and living under the same roof, then to openly date while your S is still in the home would be the epitome of disrespect, IMHO.

Its weird. I'm not even really crying that much. I did cry. But only for a bit. I'm hurt obviously. But, I don't know.

You may be in a state of emotional shock. You first felt anger over finding evidence of OM. Now, you feel lost and don't which way to turn. These emotions are all common. Just allow yourself to feel them and not act on them.

[Bfice3]

For what purpose?

Well...I did break into her house. Yes, it was my house not very long ago. If it was any other person I would offer something similar for doing such an act. I didn't think I was trying to pursue by offering. I just wanted to make it where, I wasn't a psychotic threat. I don't know.

This whole site and all of your replies confound me so much, lol. I don't know whats up and whats down anymore.

[Bfice3]

Are you asking if your WW can come back?

the WW will use that status for her pass to date openly

Both of these things is basically what I think I was trying to ask. I was just wondering if her not hiding her intentions was worse or different than simply being wayward...if that makes any sense. Obviously, being wayward is bad enough.

Just allow yourself to feel them and not act on them

Funny enough, I just had this exact conversation with a friend from AA. He said be honest, accept you have these feelings. Don't lie to yourself. But, understand, that you CAN control how you respond to your feelings.

[TxHubby]

She says it was only an emotional affair

Horse sh!t.

it only happened after we were separated.

Horse sh!t.

It's been going on a while, it's not just an EA. Her reason for wanting you out of her life for a while is so she can see how this plays out. If it's good she's gone. If it fails she wanted you to fall back on.

You're plan B. It's up to you what you do with that knowledge.

[Bfice3]

So, and another update. I called her 3 or 4 times this morning, and she called me back. We talked for about 40 minutes. It was pretty gross. Mostly me apologizing. Apologizing for being a bad husband, for pushing her away, that I don't want our marriage to be over, that I'm sad, and this all [censored], for going in the house, and gross gross gross.

She apologize for being wayward, lol. I told her that she is wayward wife and she looked it up and agrees. She knows that's what she is doing.

I just have to now start really focusing on practicing how to GAL and go dark with respect to her. I have to do it for me, not to get her back, I know. I don't know if I believe that right now. And, I'm going to try and tell myself that its okay, but that I have to start acting now.

I can't continue to linger like this. She's making her choices and living her life, I have to do the same. Be a man, be strong, be independent. Be a dad to my kids. Those are good things. I can do those things. I can do those things without a wife.

Anyway, thank you Sandi, thank you Azzork, thank you Rosa, and thank you to anyone else reading this.

[TxHubby]

So, and another update. I called her 3 or 4 times this morning, and she called me back. We talked for about 40 minutes. It was pretty gross. Mostly me apologizing. Apologizing for being a bad husband, for pushing her away, that I don't want our marriage to be over, that I'm sad, and this all [censored], for going in the house, and gross gross gross.

She apologize for being wayward, lol. I told her that she is wayward wife and she looked it up and agrees. She knows that's what she is doing.

I just have to now start really focusing on practicing how to GAL and go dark with respect to her. I have to do it for me, not to get her back, I know. I don't know if I believe that right now. And, I'm going to try and tell myself that its okay, but that I have to start acting now.

I can't continue to linger like this. She's making her choices and living her life, I have to do the same. Be a man, be strong, be independent. Be a dad to my kids. Those are good things. I can do those things. I can do those things without a wife.

Anyway, thank you Sandi, thank you Azzork, thank you Rosa, and thank you to anyone else reading this.

Continuing to cling to her is your worst chance of salvaging this marriage. It makes you look weak and unattractive. The more of a doormat you make yourself, the less she'll want you. I know. I've been there.

You need to do the 180. Focus on you. Do serious GAL. Plan things that you don't consult her on. Move on. Detach. Let her see you doing this. Let her know that you have worth and you'll be just fine without a wayward spouse in your life. Once she knows you're not a guarantee then she'll realize what she's risking losing. If you want to lose her for good then continue the calls, sobbing, begging, etc.

[Bfice3]

Hey TxHubby.

I got mad at you the other day for posting that my wife was having an affair. I didn't want to believe it then, and I still don't want to believe it now. But, I recognize now that, I'm probably wrong. That hurts.