Originally Posted By: dday
I know that to have a chance at r, I have to let go. I guess that's why I stated that. And you are right, I can't do both.


Wanted to comment on this because it's something I struggled with for a very long time and it's somewhat of a endless loop. You do want to let go of needing her. You want to let go of alot of things and be able to live your life. We hear on here we can't R until that happens but we look it also like it's setting this magic goal post. That being if we let go R could happen. That if we drop the rope the WAS will feel it and do the work to come back. We try to then force letting go/dropping the rope, thinking about it too much and trying to get to that point. The very act of trying to force it to happen is showing your not there. I stead, do the things that we know lead to it. GAL, living for you, fixing yourself, growing, etc. In time it will come.

We then start attaching other things happening to it, trying to engineer it to work, and putting requirements on it happening, we work against or selves. You tell yourself you can't let go because hope is keeping you attached so you have to give up the hope. This is why I have a problem just telling people to drop the rope. I see it like telling someone to learn how to do brain surgery by practicing on their self. Letting go is a bit different because I see it as stopping the chase of them. Leaving them to their life and not interfering, this is mostly action oriented. Dropping the rope I see as more emotional and not something you can just do. It will happen when it happens and basically I see it that if I need to question if I dropped the rope or need to say it to make myself feel better then it's not likely happened. Once I have dropped the rope I would no longer care what dropping the rope means.

As for dating, each person seems to have their own opinions. I'll just say mine. I'm still married and the vows I took are still there. I can't justify breaking them due to my W's actions no matter what she's doing. I'm responsible for me no one else. That's exactly what she did when she went after OM, justified it because of how bad the M was. How can I do the same and not be a hypocrite for saying it was wrong.

I can wait until the D is final.

Last edited by Fogg; 12/27/15 05:10 PM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be