Good morning, Mona! I am so PROUD of you! You handled the explanation about H with your kids perfectly. I am grateful that he's getting them, though, if only for their sake. That's the entire reason I broke down and invited H over for a few hours. On this holiday in particular, it's more about the kids than it is about me, or him for that matter.
I hope you have great fun! Merry Christmas to you, my friend!
Another day of abusing this poor board, but it is Christmas eve, and stress levels are kinda high for me.
I did not really post about it too much when he said it, but the other day my H posted that I kept going from nice to mean. I posted the exchange on here, it was when he was pressuring me for a D.
That statement bothered me a lot more than I posted here. He acts like out of no where, I am just mean to him. First I am going to defend myself here so I don't do it with him.
When I get angry, it is not out of the blue. He was lying to my face almost every day. The pope would be angry living with that! He also broke promises constantly. I counted on him to do what he promised and time and time again he just never even attempted to do it. Of Course I got mad!
Ok, defending myself is over. next I want to 'job' this. (what would job say) lol
He is in crisis and he cant remember clearly. He has to blame me so he does not feel more depressed over what he is doing. Don't criticize him and don't believe anything he tells you...
Now I want to change my actions to not let him have to worry about this again. It is actions, not words that will show him. So, until anger can be used as a tool for good, to get something I need done accomplished, I need to not show anger. I just re-read the light house story and I will feel best about myself if I can be a lighthouse. Not a mother who gets mad when he is bad.
I can set boundaries and protect myself from him lying and all of that without using anger. My Irish ancestors are turning over right now... I love a good fight and a great make-up, but I can live without it.
Now I need to let this go. It is over. He showed me a problem. I agree it could be better, I know what I need to do moving forward, now I can kick this persistent annoying though from my mind
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
I been wanting to catch up with your story for what seems like several months. I seen one of your first posts after coming back to the forums and it really caught my attention. I'm still not caught up but I've read a little bit. First off, your GAL and how social you are intimidate the hell out of me! I cant explain it but I'm just blown away and terrified at the same time. I have to ask just like PP and wonder wtf all that energy comes from. Another goal for me is to try and uncover your secret magic to taking on all of that and GAL at the same time. My GAL is lacking. I couldn't imagine doing even a sliver of that while having kids, work, school piled on top of it. Truth being told, I think I'm more like your H so I feel this strange empathy for him reading part of this thread. That and you can see how depressed he is. I was closer to that Pre-DB anyway. I've changed considerably since then.
Anyway, just wanted to stop by and say Hi. That song stitches has come up in my sitch a ton of times also. I think I have several hundred listens to it over this year and my W was listening to it for a while also. Unfortunately she was listening to it for the loss of OM, so it somewhat put some poison in it for me. Theres another one of his songs named "I Know What You Did Last Summer" that fits my mood much better lately.
Merry Christmas
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
A good wife would know what he needs before he knows he needs it and just get it done for him.
That really sounds more like what a wayward spouse says! You mentioned a friend clued you in about one aspect of this, which is people don't want to not have to work for something. But another thing is that this is mindreading and completely unrealistic. A healthy relationship is when each person knows how to ask for what they want and to ask the other if there is anything they need.
H:54 W:46 D:11 D:21 M:12 BD:1/15 In-house Separation 2/15 DB started 7/15, W sees consistency 9/15 Dropping the rope and having her leave 2/16, moves 5/16 Reconciliation 1/17 Obviously still struggling
A good wife would know what he needs before he knows he needs it and just get it done for him.
That really sounds more like what a wayward spouse says! You mentioned a friend clued you in about one aspect of this, which is people don't want to not have to work for something. But another thing is that this is mindreading and completely unrealistic. A healthy relationship is when each person knows how to ask for what they want and to ask the other if there is anything they need.
So true! I expected myself to know what he wanted. I am so glad you posted this, because I think in the last few weeks I have been trying even harder to guess what people want and try and give it to them, when i should be focusing on telling people what I need. Thanks Flight!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
