dday, rebuilding

[Sotto]

Hi Dday, sorry to hear you're having a rough time. This is the hardest time of year for us all I think my friend. So, do try and be gentle with yourself and the time will pass.

From your post, it strikes me that BD was still relatively recent for you and that you are pushing yourself to do X or Y - I'm done or I've moved on or I'm detached now. I don't think there is a magic bullet - just time and consistent effort in the right direction. There's no need to do this overnight, or feel frustrated with yourself for having 'stupid hope.'

But, the direction of travel is an important aspect and I think the direction for all of us needs to be away from the M, towards a new life for us. And then who knows what may unfold in time.

You say you miss married life and find single life awkward and boring. What are your 2016 goals to make it natural and interesting my friend? It may be your life now. There may be no way back with your W and that's outside of your control. If you stick to what is within your control, I don't think you can go too far wrong. However, hoping, wondering and worrying about what isn't within your control is a cheeseless tunnel, as you are finding.

Have you read codependent no more and found it useful? I can recall another poster doing the workbook and finding that to be of benefit. Not suggesting you are any more or less codependent than the rest of us....but just a thought...

Take care my friend xx