Please, please consider getting an attorney for yourself. A mediator's job is to reach an agreement, not to protect either of you. At a minimum, I would refuse to sign a mediated agreement without first having an attorney review it.
If there is no money, how in the hell is he paying for plane tickets and hotel rooms?
He is being nice so you won't fight back, I suspect. If he is willing to give you what you need, as Grlonfr suggest, get it in writing now, before he leaves.
Otherwise, consider making an appt on Monday with an attorney. You need to understand what you are entitled to and what are his obligations. You can also seek temporary support orders and a temporary restraining order on spending. Don't let him drive this ship as a tool to try and win him back.
Finally, I suspect that his promise to spend a week in Europe a month will likely disappear once you are gone. You want a parenting plan/custody agreement that does not require you to send your D to the United States to visit with him. You can put language in there that requires him to visit her where she lives.
Feel like I'm being punched in the gut over and over again. Just broke down crying for the first time in a while. And luckily D saw it. So thrilled to be explaining to my young child that mommy crying isn't her fault and tomorrow everything will be fine etc. yup. Super mom tonight.
Tell me, is it normal to file and give out divorce papers around the holidays and a few days before the person you want to divorce's birthday? Seems weird to me. But I might just be a little extra sensitive.
Thanks everyone again for your invaluable comments. I'm not gonna let him trample all over me, but being friends is the best way to deal with him to make sure I get everything I want. Everything I want, except him.
Tough day huh? As you know from the threads you've read, this is a long slog. A long painful slog through thick painful mud. Served during the holidays? How sweet. How extra (censored) sweet. Often times when things are so awful that they seem scripted just to mess with you, it's ok to stop and laugh out loud. It's also OK to cry.
You too are human and none of this is anything close to remotely easy. You aren't expected to hold it all together all the time. Quite the opposite.
Tomorrow is a new day. And the one after that is as well. And so is the next one.
Keep breathing, keep putting your best foot forward, and if you need to fall apart, fall apart. We've got your back here so come vent any time you need.
Big hug,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Hi Gmum, your H is being a big PITA now. Argh. Why isn't he thinking with the other head, you know, the one with an actual brain?
((( Gmum ))). You're a tough lady. I wouldn't be able to handle what you're going through, all alone without family.
It's ok to let D see you cry. You've been an awesomely strong mum.
Please, it's really not your fault. You need to get yourself a L and be prepared to fight for you and your D. The D is tough but not getting the best you can for your girl and yourself will be even tougher later down the line.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Gmum - nothing about a WAS is normal. H is so stuck on himself, it's all about him and his feelings, his wants, his needs. If he were in a less selfish frame of mind?
Of course he wouldn't serve you with papers during a holiday and right before your birthday! Only a heartless creep would do that. He's not able to see outside himself and his affair fog. I'm not telling you this to make excuses for him, because his timing is despicable. I'm telling you this to remind you it has so very little to do with you. It's all about H.
I have a feeling he was nice once. That man would never have done this to you. It just shows you how very powerful whatever these WAS are dealing with, to blind them to common courtesy and kindness.
Go ahead and cry, get it out. You know this will happen again before it's all over, and it's best not to bottle up feelings. So much better to deal with them, and work your way through them. You're growing. H is, well, shrinking. LOL His quality as a human being is going backwards, while you just continue to improve.
Remind yourself H is, for all intents and purposes, out of his mind. He's reverted to a teenage version of himself, and as such, doesn't really pay attention to little details like timing. He's not doing it to make the situation worse. He's just doing it because he feels like it. All about him.
Hang in there, okay?
I am not looking forward to New Year's Eve, by the way. Last year, H gave me a kiss so scorching I can feel it even now. This year? I'll be at home by myself, and trying NOT to remember how very short time ago it was that H still loved me. I will be posting here right along with you!
Ahhh Ancaire, your words mean more than I can express. Thank you taking me out of the fog once again. It's nice to be reminded that this is about him, not me.
Last night, D and I went to some old friends' house for dinner. When we came home and she was in bed, I had one more glass of wine and stumbled over this silly website. It describes the personality of your name (eerily correct btw) and there was also a name compatibility feature. Point is, Hs and my name go really really well together. H and OW not so much. Completely silly and nonsensical, but it totally made me feel better. Any relief you can get, right. Haha
Tell me how is H and OW ever going to get tired of each other when they live in different states and their R so far consists of passionate meet ups at hotels. They have so much in common, work and horrible long term relationships with their LBSs.
Tell me how is H and OW ever going to get tired of each other when they live in different states and their R so far consists of passionate meet ups at hotels. They have so much in common, work and horrible long term relationships with their LBSs.
I am going to answer your questions, but you have to try and get to a point where you realize none of these questions matter one bit. You are strongly focused on him right now and the OW. She is a problem, but not THE problem. You really, really can put her out of your mind right now if you tried. Get some personal plans going on for you. Again, personal plans for ONLY you!
Now, the questions. Their R is built on a lie. It is hard to keep something with such a horrible foundation going. He cant turn to her for support or anything because of the distance. She is a dream, and very very rarely do dreams turn into reality. The truth will start to seep in, and his days with her are numbered.
He is lying and cheating on his W. He is leaving his small child. How much can they have in common? If she is also doing the same thing they will end up doing it to each other.
If he needed you to do more in the M, he should have worked with you and communicated better. If he has not learned these skills during this nightmare, he will drag these issues to his R with her and dowen it will go.
Last edited by Mona52; 12/27/1506:18 PM.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
