October 11

[Bfice3]

Well...I don't think I have to worry about DBing anymore.

I think we are probably officially done.

I did several really stupid things today.

First, while my wife and kids are out of town, I went over and got our hidden outside key and went in the house and snooped. I found a letter written to a man in my wife's bedside table.

Then I called her and told her.

She says it was only an emotional affair and it only happened after we were separated.

But it really doesn't matter. What's weird is, even though I'm hurt, in a way, I'm fine. I know that I can let go now. She is so super pissed at me, and well, rightfully so. But boy did she get nasty on the phone.

Threatening to try to take the kids from me, and to fight me over every single aspect of the financial situation, and just on and on. And the funny thing is, I knew, and have been afraid of leaving her for years because of that very reason. Her parents are going to join in, and they will all work together to paint me in the worst possible light they can. And then try to take everything they can from me, just out of spite.

Oh well...it is what it is.

[Azzork]

Well...I don't think I have to worry about DBing anymore.
why? DBing was never a trick to getting your W to quickly change her mind. It is an incredibly long process of self discovery and self improvement. What does any of the rest of this have to with being done DBing?

I think we are probably officially done.
do you want to be done?

I did several really stupid things today.

First, while my wife and kids are out of town, I went over and got our hidden outside key and went in the house and snooped. I found a letter written to a man in my wife's bedside table.
why did you feel the need to do this? What did you expect to find?

Then I called her and told her.
REALLY? What the heck did you expect to happen? Of COURSE she's going to be livid.

She says it was only an emotional affair and it only happened after we were separated.
so? She's probably lying. Either way, does it matter?

But it really doesn't matter. What's weird is, even though I'm hurt, in a way, I'm fine. I know that I can let go now. She is so super pissed at me, and well, rightfully so. But boy did she get nasty on the phone.
well at least there's that. Time to let go. Detach. GAL.

Threatening to try to take the kids from me, and to fight me over every single aspect of the financial situation, and just on and on. And the funny thing is, I knew, and have been afraid of leaving her for years because of that very reason. Her parents are going to join in, and they will all work together to paint me in the worst possible light they can. And then try to take everything they can from me, just out of spite.
let her spew from now. But invading "her" house wasn't a great move. Time to protect your kids and your finances.

[RosaLinda]

Just have a second, but I wanted to let you know I agree with everything Azzork said, B. And your wife is "threatening to try to take the kids from me" -- because SHE is having an affair?

You keep working on you. Going to AA. Being a great dad. Don't give up now. Years ago my old marriage counselor told me (and it ticked me off at the time) that if I was not able to save my marriage, DBing would put me in the best place for my next relationship. I did not want to hear that then, but it was true!

[Bfice3]

I don't know what I want.

I know it was a stupid thing to do today. I knew it was wrong. And it hurts like hell knowing the little bit of truth that I saw in her letter, and then of course the way she talked to me.

I mean, the plan moving forward anyways was to have more separation, so nothing has really changed. I know now that she is going to start dating, whatever that means to her. And I know she'll find someone, she's a very attractive woman. So, my only action now is the same as it was before, do nothing as it regards to my wife.

So perhaps, my previous post was exactly wrong, I need to be DBing even more than before! LRT to the extreme. There's still a ton of ways she can hurt me, and I need to try to be prepared for those. I'm probably going to have finish getting all of my stuff out of the house. She'll probably change the locks on the house, maybe. Block me on facebook maybe. I don't know.

Woe is me, right.

The protecting my finances part scares me because she has all of the paperwork in the house, and she was in charge of the finances when I was living there.

Yes, Rosa, she was threatening me because she was having an affair...very typical of my wife. She is truly the most vindictive person I think I've ever known. Before this all said and done she is going to really reach out to hurt me. It's just who she is. Honestly, the stuff she said to me tonight, I think she's been wanting to say all along. I think she's been waiting for a reason to say them. She never expected me to react the way I have, and I think I've largely messed up whatever plans she had in her head. But, none of that really matters anymore.

I need to try to spend the next 6 months and not contact her at all. In July, I can call maybe. I know I'm not going to make it, but thats my goal. Hell, I want to call her right now. Oh well.

Is this the box of chocolates Forest was talking about?

[Bfice3]

And here's a dumb question.

I get it now, my wife is Wayward. And, actually she's pretty far wayward. I was reading the 2nd thread of Sandi's wayward wife for newcomers. And I never realized the whole notion of leaving the MBR. I was gone from ours for years. Now I'm gone from our house.

I mean, there's really just no coming back, right?

I don't know.

But, so for a technical clarification. If she says she wants to date openly to me. I mean, is that different than being wayward? In other words, should I just interpret that as being completely done?

I realize in either case my response is the same so it doesn't matter. Just pondering.

Its weird. I'm not even really crying that much. I did cry. But only for a bit. I'm hurt obviously. But, I don't know.

I just sent her an email saying I want to go and get all of the rest of my stuff and I want to make sure we are completely separated financially as far as recurring bills go.

Then I can just focus on me and the kids, and do my best to completely detach from her.

[2ltl2lt]

What is the deal with the "I want to date other people "? I got the same spiel from my W. I think they are trying to re-live something they feel like they missed out on. I just can't figure out what the hell they think is going to happen. Go talk to any single person and they all have the same outlook on the dating scene. It stinks!

[Azzork]

Yep - DBing doesn't end now. It doesn't end when you separate officially. It doesn't end when you divorce. It ends when you stop doing it.

And how exactly do you think waywardness is different from dating other people?

[Azzork]

What is the deal with the "I want to date other people "? I got the same spiel from my W. I think they are trying to re-live something they feel like they missed out on. I just can't figure out what the hell they think is going to happen. Go talk to any single person and they all have the same outlook on the dating scene. It stinks!

They don't want to date other PEOPLE. They already have someone in mind. Or are already dating them.

[2ltl2lt]

I know that's right Azz. It's hard to accept.

[Bfice3]

Moving on, moving forward, making progress, detaching...whatever you want to call it...man is this hard...I don't even know if I want to, and if I try to tell myself or others that I want to, then I don't even know if my motives are honest...