dday, rebuilding

[dday]

Thanks grl.
I do have a much better r with them. When they are with me, they sleep on me. Literally, my 4yr old lays on my chest and starts snoring and the other 2 take an arm. Doesn't matter where I go, they wake up and come lay with me. Love, fear of abandonment, something else?

I didn't make time for them in the past enough. I was always busy working on the house or a car or something. (Those really were my hobbies too). We did play ball and fish though. Now, I am removed from all my hobbies and our shared interests. So, it's video games and helping cook and reading. It's winter here and my house is little and the yard is even smaller.

So, if there is a silver lining to this horrible sitch, it is that I am much closer to my boys than ever. They talk to me about things that they don't want to talk to stbx about. That gives me a little pride that they feel so
comfortable with me.

I have came a long way this year. A very painful growing season. I hope that in the end it is all worth it.

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I have noticed that W doesn't contact me much if she has the boys. When I do, she always seems to have a need to contact me. Does she sense that I am really struggling to let go?


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I am going to pursue my first date post d papers. I think it would be nice to go have fun, meet new people, and it could be a huge confidence boost too. Help me to gain some traction on moving forward. Add some excitement and variety to my life. I may find out that I am not ready, but maybe I am.