Here is the thing... I have been through this before (more than once btw), we were bf/gf at the time but it was the same deal. There is really no difference. I was able to completely let go once I cut all contact. I knew when that happened, she knew when that happened. That is when she came back.
I wouldn't say I am hurting badly right now. I *think* I am doing pretty well emotionally. She is seeing what life is like without me right now. Being divorced makes no difference there, she is living it now (probably why she is not pushing for the D). So what would be different for me? Right now, I know for a fact, that no matter what the future brings we still have to interact. I am lucky in a way that with no children, once we get divorced then I don't have to interact anymore. Once D is final, there is no more contact... ever (I'm serious). She would be a risk to any future relationship at that point. I know myself and I would be able to do this because of the past experiences I've had with her.
Getting divorced in itself obviously does not make any pain stop nor does it make me stop loving my wife. In fact, I will always love her. The pain has subsided enough now as it is. I would feel exactly the same post divorce. That's not it.
It does give me a jumping off point. I can say, look, that part of life is over, there were many good times in there, the ending sucked (again) and it is just not meant to be with her. How many times does she have to show you that? Now let's go find someone to be happy with from here on out. Let's do it.
That simply is not happening until everything is final. It is not like a flip of a switch and I am 100% detached the minute that paper is signed. But it would be a catalyst for sure. For me it is finality. I am not going through it again. Hope that makes some sense.
