Merry Christmas!!! And it sounds that you are having a great time during this awful time in your life.
I am amazed with your strength Sotto, I can actually get the whole life is good and we need to control our side and make the most of it, but it is a very hard thing to accomplish.
You are managing it all with so much grace. The down moments I think they are more then normal. I guess it would be a little insane to think that there wouldn't be down moments.
Let's see where all this will take you and even more intriguing take your H. You are right to prepare yourself for the D, if it follows through.
I would say that even being prepared, it was for me a non measurable amount of pain. Excruciating pain. It took me over a month to think a little straight. I would just function like a robot, but I was really in pain.
So, I hope that you can be a little more prepared then I was and it won't hurt as much, if that is even possible.
Hope you having a great day today!!! Love and hugs, Pink
You are a very knowledgeable woman and your H is a full to lose you but as you told others on this board, WAS need to take their own journey. I admire your wisdom and hope you had a good Christmas :-)
Pink and Rouky - thanks so much for your posts! I did have a nice Xmas thanks - been busy, so not posted much in the past few days. Nice Xmas day with parents (low key) and Boxing Day with my sister's family (busy!) Just catching up with some chores today.
I've felt okay - but I didn't hear anything from H. I decided to do nothing & didn't text him to say Merry Xmas like last year. He didn't get in touch with me either. I do feel a bit rotten about that & wonder maybe I should have texted him. But I just feel if our D is finalised as expected in a couple of months, I don't intend keeping in touch anyway...
SS is coming to visit on Tues and I'm at the bookstore tomorrow. Also busy making NYE plans with a friend. Generally doing okay - but a little lower than usual - it will pass though.
Best wishes to you all xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto, your calm self-assurance that this will pass just blows me away. Intellectually I always know that, but in the midst of it I generally forget ... you don't ever seem to do that. You are a true inspiration to me!!
I'm sorry about the "radio silence" ... but you have a real perspective on this sitch that is rare. You will be ok, Sotto, no matter what happens, and I say it again: the man is a damn fool.
xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Hi Sotto. Just to weigh in behind all the others You are an amazing lady and deserve much happiness. It will arrive and this journey will ha e been a small part
Sotto, I'm so sorry that your h was MIA and he didn't contact you over the holidays. Some of them do tend to disappear and go completely quiet. Some wait for us to touch base w/them because they do not know what to say to us. They've become strangers to us just as we have to them.
Your h may be deep into his crisis right now and all he wants to do is be w/friends or he was curled up at his place with the curtains pulled and didn't want anything to do w/the holidays. No matter the reason, I do understand how you felt.
Have fun w/your SS and I'm sure you'll be busier than a bee the rest of the week. Sounds like you are firming up some plans for NYE. Staying busy helps to keep your mind off the D.
What you are feeling is very normal and once the holidays are out of the way, you'll begin to feel a bit better. Be kind to yourself and do things that you enjoy and be w/family and friends who are happy to surround you w/love and support.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ah, thanks so much Bttrfly, RD and Lou - I really appreciate your kind words and moral support. I had a nice stint at the bookstore today and found out about a new GAL activity from a customer. Apparently, one of the local pubs hosts an Irish music session once a month. It's not just a band playing, it's some musicians who come along - but others are invited to join them if they feel inspired, so it's like a real Irish folk session. I'm definitely going to see who fancies coming along to the next one of those.
Thanks Job for your wisdom (as always!) Can I just ask a question from what you posted above please? Do you think I should touch base with him a little more, given all our circumstances. TBH, I've pretty much stopped initiating at all. We do have contact, maybe once a month or so. Normally that's him updating me about house progress and I get back to him and it's all pretty pleasant. I'm just conscious that we'll be at the end stages of the D process in the new year and could be fully D'd by end of Feb....
If there is anything you think I could do differently, I'd welcome the advice. TBH, I am at the stage where I can see things more as a 'science experiment' and I'm less emotionally invested than I was. Not fully there - but certainly I've made some progress there...
Thanks for your support my lovely DB friends xxx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto, How do you feel about wishing him a Happy New Year? It's a simple saying and one that we would give to friends and family. No expectations from him at all.
When he reaches out to you again, you could always ask him how he's doing, but you must keep your missives short and sweet because he's still in the rabbit hole.
When something isn't working, try something different. You'll know if he wants to hear from you or not from his responses or his radio silence.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
