I don't remember feeling exhaustion in my head. It would seem a WW should, but her waywardness (especially rebellion) works as fuel to keep her running.
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My mom is still spitting venom about W. After she saw her at the bar with OM she has been rather hostile toward my sitch.
Here's the thing, your mom is feeling the emotions of a parent who has seen her child get mistreated/hurt. Just b/c you are a man, it doesn't stop that mother's love for you. Try to remember something, also, your mother is not "in love" with your W. Sometimes the LBH can forgive and accept back into his heart the WW, whereas his mother has a tougher time forgiving and accepting.....b/c she's not in love with the person who hurt you.
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When she came back I told her I love our family and I love her.
You may think I'm nitpicking, but I'm not. What was your reason for telling your wayward wife that you love her? Exactly how did you expect her to respond? I try to tell the LBH how saying ILY puts pressure on the WW/WAW. A lot of pressure! Every time you tell her ILY, she will get farther away and be colder to you, b/c she feels she has to prove to you that it's over and to stop hoping things will get better.
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We both retreated to the bedroom and cried for awhile and she said she has been trying to reconnect with me during this time but just didn't have the same feelings anymore. She feels like it is over. On Christmas Day no less. I told her that I would not stand in the way of her happiness and that I was willing to try and work on us. She completely withdrew after that so I went off to visit with some other family and friends.
Well, yes, on Christmas Day no less, b/c you chose to tell her you love her! She had to stop you from having ideas.......which you were already doing, just by watching her interactions with the kids, etc.
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When I got there and saw everyone and W and the kids I just welled up and broke down again.
Did you break down in front of them?
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I hate myself for not being able to keep it together for the kids.
So, what can you do about it? Just hating yourself won't prevent it happening again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
