dday, rebuilding

[dday]

As it is nearly the end of this year, one that I haven't exactly enjoyed and am happy to put behind me, I am doing some reflecting.

October 2014, W and I had an argument that led to my starting to take AD. They helped me to improve my mood and outlook, and that allowed me to cut down on drinking. I would drink 3 to 5 beers a night, and it was affecting our relationship.

February 2015, W tells me that she doesn't love me anymore. We had been remodeling and travel ball parents for the last 2 years. Basically we lost "us". Tried mc... at least W attended it with me while I tried. Hers was a half-hearted attempt at best. She had already checked out. She faked trying until memorial day.

June 2015 I was asked to go stay at my sisters for a couple weeks. Which turned to 3 months. At which point I rented my own place.

September 2015 W filed for D. Didn't push for anything more than a legal seperation until the end of November. By Christmas we have signed and are waiting on the judge to sign off.

My issues:

Depression- addressed and medicated, ic

Alcohol- addressed and only a social drinker at most now

R with kids- much healthier and stringer now

Hermit- I don't spend time alone unless it's unavoidable. Accepting nearly all invites.

CD- I do everything by myself, for myself and realize that I am responsible for me, my feelings, and my r with others

Feelings- I would always bottle things up. I feel secure in talking about my feelings now. Seeing ic.

_________________________

I am far from perfect, but I am someone only a fool would leave. W hasn't addressed her issues at all yet. I sure hope she does for everyone's sake. I hope one day she realizes that we had something special, and it could be great again. But, I can't wait around on that. Time to live for myself and the boys.

Thanks everyone that helped me get this far! I feel like I have worked through the roughest parts of me. Time to start polishing now!