We are who we are through our experiences. The pain of your child birth has brought you unparalleled joy. Some days more then others but joy none the same. With that said 2015 will not be my favorite moment but you can't have day without night, up without down, joy without sadness, life without death. Savoir each moment moment but do not cling to it. Be well
So Christmas worked out great! For some reason, H chickened out and didn't come. It was just the kids and their SO's along with me. We had a great time. We used to do a Mexican food Christmas Eve, due to the fact that someone always gives us tamales for Christmas. Bliss!
So moving Mexican Food night to Christmas night was a bit different, but it worked out really well. I just laid the food out buffet style, and everyone helped themselves. Much easier than the years I've cooked a big meal for Christmas.
I played around with a White Chocolate Cookie recipe, and it turned out to be sublime! I took about a third of the package of White Chocolate chips and melted them in the microwave. I started on the cookie dough. After I had the sugar, butter, and eggs nicely creamed, I added the white chocolate to the dough.
I also toasted some hazelnuts to use instead of almonds, walnuts, or pecans for something different. Added dried cranberries, and the rest of the package of white choc chips to the dough. Those cookies were some of the best I've ever made! Because I added the melted chocolate to the dough, you had that hint of flavor in every single bite. Really, really good.
I'm pleasantly tired now, but we had a really nice holiday. I enjoyed the kids, didn't miss H overly much, and didn't wear myself out. I consider this to be huge progress!
I had such fun watching the kids open the gifts I labored over purchasing - I scored on every one! As a parent, I LOVE that feeling. Most years I do okay, but there's always a gift that scores a "meh"...not this year. It was really pretty cool.
Today, I'm kind of maudlin. I keep wanting to send H an e-mail congratulating him on the destruction of a once phenomenal family. He better be freaking deliriously happy considering what this cost us.
I won't do it, but man! I really, really want to. The jerk.
Hi Ancaire, your cookies sound delicious! I'm glad your holiday went well. I know what you mean about getting the gifts right. Your choice to not send the email was smart. There is nothing to gain from it. What are the benefits to sending it? It may make you feel better but it isn't even completely true.
You family is not destroyed and your family is still phenomenal. He has chosen to remove himself, to withdraw at least temporarily from the family. His choice, his loss. Loss in the sense that one has only a finite amount of time in this life and to squander it on petty nonsense (ego, vanity, guilt) is a shame.
Writing such a letter is beneath you Ancaire. This is an opportunity to show your children the great woman you are. Writing that letter would be small, would change nothing and would not make your situation better. The long view is that without that letter the situation is less polarized and the relationship between the father and children can stabilize. He knows what he did without a scarlet letter on his chest. Ultimately your actions must be for the betterment of the family, not to prove something to your husband.
This thought comes from love dear friend. If I hurt your feelings please know it was not my intention. The path we walk is fraught with dead ends and distractions. Choose wisely where you tread
Ancaire, I'm so glad you had a wonderful Christmas with the kids. Sounds like H did you all a huge favor by chickening out.
What are your plans for NYE? I'll be home with D. Probably checking these boards frequently. And thanking the universe that this horrendous year is coming to an end.
This thought comes from love dear friend. If I hurt your feelings please know it was not my intention. The path we walk is fraught with dead ends and distractions. Choose wisely where you tread
Wise words delivered by someone I trust. How on earth could my feelings be hurt? I know you care, or you wouldn't waste your time. I wouldn't have sent the letter. I just want to.
I did, however, send a letter to my children last week. In it I apologized for some of my poor decisions over the past few months. I explained to them my plans for the future. As much as I didn't want to, I also encouraged them to forgive their father, and to include him in their lives without worrying about hurting my feelings.
Of course, selfish me wants them to blacklist H. The loving mother me wants them to have a satisfying and rewarding relationship with their father. I do worry about him, in spite of being so disgusted. If he is completely cut off from his children, I see no good coming from that either for them or for H. I love my children too much to let that happen. They need their father in their lives.
I did the right thing. It just pained me to do it. I know which is the right course to follow - sometimes I just have to make myself do it. LOL
Today, I'm kind of maudlin. I keep wanting to send H an e-mail congratulating him on the destruction of a once phenomenal family. He better be freaking deliriously happy considering what this cost us.
I won't do it, but man! I really, really want to. The jerk.
I know how you feel Ancaire. I feel like I could write this letter too, but we are the bigger people here and as Mutatio brilliantly puts it, it would not help our situations. I am still in disbelief how someone can remove themselves from their family like our Hs have. The saddest part of it all is your sentence about hoping that "H is deliriously happy considering what it has cost us." The sad part being that I don't think they are. Of course, I cannot speak for your H but my H certainly isn't happy right now. In fact, he seems to be in a worse place than I am! Constantly bailing out on his kids because "he's not in the mood." He looks worse than I do so is clearly sleeping less than me (and that's a feat in itself!) and keeps complaining of stomach problems (stress). So no, they've destroyed our families and for what? A lonely, miserable life without the people who love them.
inpain - you are correct in your guess that H does not look too happy at the moment. In his mind, it's MY fault, because I'm still in the picture. He is going to be in for such a shock when I'm out of the picture, and his life doesn't miraculously change for the better.
I'm trying to get the kids to be willing to forgive him. I just plan to stay out of his way and work on myself. But I believe that the happiness he is sure he will find once I'm out of the picture is going to be so very elusive.
It's frustrating because I feel like he knows this. We've talked about it in the past! But whatever this MLC is, it's powerful. He can't even remember discussions we've had, and his version of history is very, very different from mine. All normal from what I understand.
Now I'm back to wishing I'd been a better wife, so that he never had to get to this point. I don't blame myself for all of it, no, please don't think that. But I do take full ownership of my share of the problems. Hindsight is crystal clear and unforgiving. But it also provides me a pretty good map of what I need to work on.
Don't give up on your H, inpain. Just let him do what he thinks he needs to for now. The only way he'll learn is by trying and failing, and then he WILL appreciate you. Right now? Nope. So, you work on you - and let him mess up his own life.
I just like to vent here so I don't turn around and do it IRL. THAT would be a disaster - one I've already learned the hard way...LOL
but joy none the same. With that said 2015 will not be my favorite moment but you can't have day without night, up without down, joy without sadness, life without death. Savoir each moment moment but do not cling to it. Be well