Today I'm supposed to spend the day with H, MIL and my daughter. Watching Star Wars and then going for dinner. I was looking forward to it, but H aggravated me over the weekend. We talked briefly Saturday, he said he would text me later that day to give particulars for timing and meet-up. Yeah well, I never heard from him. His mom ended up e-mailing me yesterday.
Is it that hard to pick up the phone and text a simple message? I know he returns his buddy's messages. Why is it so hard for him to be civil with me? This is one of the things that frustrates me to no end.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Star Wars was great!! Mandarin food overload last night as well.
My D had a bit of a hissy fit because she thought I was ignoring her at the theatre. Somewhat embarrassing, but oh well.
Now to my H. He broke down a bit and told me how much he missed me and how hard the past few weeks had been for him. He wanted D and I to stay overnight and have breakfast with him. We couldn't, I had made no arrangements for the animals. He asked me to spend a few days around New Years with him at his place. He has to work, but he wants me to come anyways. I will have to think about it.
No R talk, just enjoying time together. I did broach the subject of returning texts messages or phone calls....in a loving, kind, non confrontational manner, he agreed to be more considerate about that. Hope it gets through his head. Lol! No expectations. He actually called me last night after I text him telling him we got home safe. I was surprised!
I feel, the only way I can describe it "even" today. Kind of settled, not anxious or down, but not elated and happy happy either. Just ok! And don't get me wrong, just ok is good!!!! Just ok is perfect for getting the last few things done before Christmas.
As far as my H, I see a glimmer of hope. His bachelor life is not all it's cracked up to be. His happiness didn't magically return when he left me. He is missing having someone there that cares. I miss that too and if....if we were to R again then he would have to show me that he cares as well.
Again, no expectations! He has changed his mind before. I'm cautious. I enjoy spending time with him, but now I really don't mind going home anymore. I value my time alone and away from him.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I sometimes wonder if it would be enough for me to spend a few days a month with him and live separately forever.
I have been always an " all in " kind of woman. When I was with someone, they pretty much became my world. I wanted to do everything with them. Now I realize that was very co-dependant behaviour. I really want to break that cycle. I gave everything I possibly could in my Marriage and it drained me. I know my H can not give me more than he is right now. I have accepted that.
This is not how I thought a marriage should be, but for now I guess mine is. I live my life, he lives his. We see each other for a day or two every 2 weeks. We talk on the phone once or twice a week. It feels more like dating than a marriage.
What a strange world we live in.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
LOL...Agreed - it is a strange world. The good news for you is that your H still likes you. It sounds like he missed you, too, if he goes too long without seeing you. Use this gift of time wisely. Work on the things that you can control, and learn to let the rest go. That's my focus, too.
I wanted to be sure and wish you a very merry Christmas! I hope you have a wonderful day.
I surprised my H last night at work with a stocking full of his favourite things. He asked me to wait at his house until he got off work this morning so we could spend Christmas morning together. We had a brief R talk. He is trying to open up to me, but still struggling. I'm cautious, we both have so much to work on. We haven't talked specifics (IC, MC, etc.) but agree that neither one of us wants to end our marriage. We have the gift of time. See where this goes, no expectations. I will gently suggest he get some IC. He needs to figure some stuff out and I will continue my IC to work on my co-dependence issues.
He is giving me a key to his apartment and asked if I would like to leave some stuff there for when I go see him (toothbrush, shampoo, etc.)
On another note. Had a great time at my sons house Christmas Eve. Helped his gf cook dinner. My mom, brother, daughter and the gf parents came. Food was great! The little guy loved all his presents. Tomorrow I get to face the crowds of shoppers on Boxing Day with my mom.
Life is good! Remembering to count my blessings, one of which is this wonderful online community. Without this board and all the kind, understanding people I feel I would have not been able to get through the dark times, the lows in the roller coaster. Here, people truly understand the incredible pain we go through and the sometimes "insane" hope we have for our M. We are gently guided to GAL and to move forward, not move on. When we fail, we are not judged here, we are encouraged to try again. Regardless of the outcome of our sitch, people are happy for us as long as we are happy.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Happy Xmas, you have come a long way in a short time.
Do that which you need to do for you. I am concerned if you pick up the burden of your H. As I recollect he has never been wayward, mainly unsupportive and wanting you to carry his load so he can play games as if a teenager. H seems from all you've said to live a quasi student life with similar friends.
Of course he misses you, his life was easy and infantile behaviour tolerated. H was waking up to reality without Di. It would be very easy for H to revert back to dependency.
Is that kind of R really enough for Di?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Well Di, that is news! You had a R talk that didn't go south! That's pretty fantastic, actually. I'm happy that you brought up IC with him. If you guys are taking it slow, but with the idea of being back to a full-time couple, I highly recommend MC. There are some issues there that haven't really been addressed.
You don't want to be a part-time wife/booty call, right? If you do, that's fine, and completely your business, but that's not what I understood from you. I thought you wanted a full-time spouse willing to put you first once in a while.
I don't see how he's going to go from the couch to helping you without the benefit of a third party helping him recognize his behavior. As much as I love, miss, and long for my H - no way on this earth would I take him back without a firm commitment to attend MC on a regular basis. I never want to wind up in this position again, ever!
I'm really excited for you, though. That is a HUGE step in the right direction! I don't want to rain on your parade when I'm only trying to advise you to be cautious. It sounds like you already are, based on what you've shared about your talk.
Look at you! Providing hope to us all. Thanks, Di.
I don't want to be a part-time wife or booty call for him. In time I want to have a fully engaged partner. By no means are we there yet at all. I live 2 hours away from him and I have no intention of moving closer any time soon. I really don't know how it will all work out, but I have faith that we can figure it out together. For now I'm working on my own stuff. My schooling, my health, my children, my animals.
I will not step into his life and try to fix it. I will listen and validate and encourage him.
Hopefully sooner than later MC is a must. I will not go back to the marriage we had. No way, no how!!! I know I've grown from this ordeal, I hope he has too. There has to be a better way for us to communicate.
Thank you V and Ancaire for your concern.
I am happy, but going into this with both eyes open. Very cautious!! Not dropping everything and running to him. Not stopping my life that I so painstakingly built back up from the ashes of my M. I forgive him for the things he did and said. I think I understand him a bit better now. Can't fix him, only he can fix himself.
Lots to think about! Or maybe not think at all. Let things unfold and deal with thing as the come.
Now.....out to brave the masses for Boxing Day shopping.
Wish me luck!
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
