Thanks tl2. Merry Christmas to you too. I seem to be spinning tonight. Boys and I went and ate and looked at Christmas lights. I keep having a recurring thought that W wants to stop this. I know it's not true. Fantasy.
I need to quit letting my hope have so much control. That is my biggest hangup right now.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I have to move forward with my life. Have to be happy with what I have. If she comes back, it has to be of her own decision. I need to let go and live. I will have something great again.
Self motivation...
Last edited by dday; 12/24/1503:14 PM.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Boys just called me to wish me a merry Christmas and tell me that they love me. W xw stbxw got on the phone and told me about their gifts and when she would drop them off to me. Wished me a merry Christmas, in that special tone of voice that was always reserved for me. That way you only talk to your spouse. It felt awesome and hurts at the same time.
No expectations. Maybe there is hope for us yet someday.
I instantly teared up when I hung up the phone. Asked God why it has to be this way.
When I dropped the boys off last night, they wanted me to watch them open their "brothers gifts". First time I have been in the house in over a month. W looked great, just jeans and a tshirt, nothing special. I miss that girl so much. Christmas morning alone is rough.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Yes, Christmas morning alone is rough. But you're becoming a better person and I am sure that if you R with W, she will definitely appreciate the changes you have made.
Well, your W xw stbxw did think of you. I got nothing, though the XH got something. Says a lot about him.
Last edited by Grlonfr; 12/25/1512:27 PM.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Merry Christmas dday, Your not with your family but your not alone. I'm here, my family is all sleeping, the group think was to wake up at 8 am. So here we are. Enjoy the day, make the best of it. Let go of what could be and enjoy what is. A moment of quiet, clarity, reflection, and a chance to treat yourself well.
Thru your posts I know what industry and what you do. I will not mention this because of privacy issues. Anyway, do you have any experience with diesels? I was thinking of putting a 4BT cummins in my '65 Impala. It's a 4 door hardtop so it does not have tremendous value. Coupled with an 5 speed manual trans and a 2.56 rear I should get over 30 mpg. The 4BT is a stout motor with the same parts as the 6BT in the Dodge's. Thoughts or experiences? There's a guy in Ohio that sells alot of them, salvaged from bread trucks and the like. I think it would be fun, have plenty of power and get great mileage. What do you think and tell the truth.
Mu, I have a coworker that has that engine in a Ford ranger. I will pick his brain when I see him next week. I think it's a very cool idea. You will definately have a conversation starter there! I will get back with you on his experiences. I have a tdi jetta with 250k on it. So I'm kinda biased with diesels. They can run forever.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
my wife has a diesel passat, 42 mph @ 80 mph. Find out what transmission, stick or auto and rear end ratio, and his mileage. Also ask him if he has a rotary or p pump? I also would like to know if he would do it again with what he knows now. Thanks dday
OK. I'll calm down now. How lucky are you that you have one?!? That is amazing. I have this dream of pulling up in front of my house with a nicely done Impala - classic body/style, but rebuilt engine - V8, for sure. Stick shift, even sweeter. My baby needs to growl.
My twins will come running outside, and will be so excited, asking if they can drive it. H will stand in the doorway with tears running down his face, because it's mine! ALL MINE! mwuah ha ha ha ha
I needed that little moment. Thank you boys! I stopped in, D, to see how your day went. I pasted a fake smile on my face all day and did what I needed to do - but I was missing H every minute (old H) - the space where H used to be feels so huge now that it's empty.
After everyone left, I went to my room and bawled for a good hour. No one knew, though. Kids all had a great time,I scored getting them gifts (I've been buying gifts for them a long time now!), games were played, fun was had, and yet....there I was, so sad on the inside. I missed H so badly it still hurts. Even knowing he's been contaminated by OW. I just want him to wake up and come home. That has been my prayer for months.
Maybe he's not listening to God? I can only do my end. Cry here at the website and be kind to H when I see him.
So, little brother? When shall we pick ourselves back up again? Today? Tomorrow? No more than 2 days, because we might start liking it!
Ancaire, I think your choices yesterday show how far you've come. You should be very proud of yourself. This is how you evolve, become the enlightened you, moment by moment. I think this is huge, emotionally you did what needed to be done. You are much stronger then you give yourself credit for. Now, enjoy this day, this moment. Be well Ancaire
