Zero steps forward

[Pax_luv]

Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a wonderful day!

Well, today went well. I didn't shed a tear! I, fortunately, had the dog- he's the best sidekick! I was a little apprehensive about the holidays so I didn't put out decorations, etc. however, I also didn't want to punish myself and suffer given my current r status. In lieu of presents for the family, I decided to make a huge feast for my family for Christmas eve... They really appreciated it!

Today, I had a lovely morning with the dog (of course I bought him presents!) then I went to my parents, and finished off the day with a prime rib dinner at my grandfathers house.

I will admit that h was on my mind a lot today. I always made sure we had a nice Christmas with lots of traditions. My h openly admits he's not sentimental because he's been let down so much in life, he doesn't place a lot of emotional value on people, places, and things (go figure!). Anyway, I KNOW he valued our Christmas traditions and always looked forward to them every year. Everything from me baking cookies just for him, to special stocking stuffers, to breakfast burritos Xmas morning at my parents. There's a part of me that has to believe he would be feeling lonely today and missing some of our traditions. I could be wrong..... And it does me no good to guess or assume.... But it seems logical. Ha!
I mean do we really think any of our was' wake up Christmas morning and say, "hallelujah- I am so happy I don't have to share the day with people who have loved me unconditionally! No incessant giving and gifting! I'm so happy!"

Anyway, I was feeling bad so I sent him a merry Christmas text with a pic of the dog and his new toys... He replied back with a Merry Christmas. First text I've sent him without discussing dog logistics in months and months. Don't know if it was worth it, but i wanted to reach out regardless.

Alright, one more major holiday left to get through- we can do this!

Today, I'm grateful for my entire family who continue to support me, I'm grateful that we all live close enough that we see each other often... And I'm grateful we all get along (for the most part!)